There's no place like home, and no-one like you
by BallieFOREVER
Summary: A year after Callie moves to New York, she realizes Penny isn't the one she wants by her side. Deciding to head back to Seattle, what will await her? Will she be able to make amends with Arizona? Will Arizona have moved on or be able to forgive her? Is there love so lost it can't be found.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone. So I'm jumping the same train as many of those Calzona writers out there...This will have a happy ending for Calzona in the end despite me actually wanting to do something different but there will be angst a long the way and we might find one halve of our girls has moved on. At this stage I only have a vague direction of where I'm heading with this but rest assured if you stick it out you'll get a great pay off!**

 **I haven't written anything in years and I have no Beta so all mistakes are my own and if it sucks please let me know...constructively. I won't put up with random abusive Anon messages, I'll just block that avenue if people can't act like grown up's.**

 **But in the mean time I hope you do enjoy and please drop a PM or comment if you're enjoy the first chapter and I'll try to have the second one out as soon as I can.**

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 **There's no place like home, and no-one like you.**

 **Chapter 1**

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The sun is breaking out through the morning sky as the sound of children running and parents cheering echo around me. A freckled and fair arm is wrapped around my shoulder holding me close and eyes that are a replica of my own stare up at me from the Soccer field. A whistle blows, sounding far away to my ears and the woman beside me jumps up and down excitedly jostling me from a memory of a conversation that has stuck with me all morning.

 _'When you see Sofia kick a ball across the room, and you start to daydream about 20 years from now, when Sofia scores the winning goal at the woman's world cup final...and the whole stadium is chanting her name...'Torres, Torres...' and it's all slow motion and you're in the stands screaming and crying...so the question is, who do you want screaming and cheering beside you?'_

I look to the woman beside me, her face smiling and happy like she has everything she's always wanted. She's standing beside me, cheering my daughter on, she's loved me and loved my daughter like Sofia was her own. She's accepted me and my baggage, along with every fault I have. She's planned a life for us, made a home for us yet as I stand here on a sunny Saturday morning watching my little girl play Soccer with someone I love and who loves me back I realize that this isn't the future I want.

It's not a sudden epihphany, it doesn't just come to me in the moment as I stand surrounded by soccer mums and children covered in mud.

"Go Sofia! That's a girl!" Penny yells out while giving me a friendly nudge.

I smile and clap and do what I'm supposed to do as another memory invades my mind.

 _'Plane tickets...bring her back next weekend..and I want all summer and every other school year. I want Christmas this time but you can get next time...and I'll figure out the rest of the details.'_

 _'What?..are you saying...'_

 _'Listen we did this wrong, we had a chance to do it right and we missed it..'_

 _'Are you saying...'_

 _'I'm saying...that Sofia deserves to have two happy Mums...I'm saying...lets all be happy'_

 _'Thank you'_

As the memory of that moment fades away it feels like a ice cold hand is wrapped around my heart. Because I'm not happy. Again, it isn't a light bulb moment, this isn't news to me but standing here watching Sofia and having Penny beside me, actually being here in the 'future' that I was so sure I wanted my heart hurts because I realize that I am here in the future and I'm still not happy and that scares the crap out of me. I'm content but am I fufilled? No. Is my heart doing cartwheels as the woman who loves me stands by my side and cheers my daughter on? No. I'm just here, existing. I thought this was what I wanted. This was the picture after all. When Bailey posed that question to me that day, I saw Penny by my side, I was so sure she was what I wanted that I didn't give anything a second thought.

Nearly a year has passed since I left Seattle. The first couple months were a whirlwind of settling in at work, at home, managing schedules and arranging visitation scheduling with Arizona about Sofia that I barely had time to think about anything else. Work kept me busy for a while, it's a good job but it's not the same as running my own department. I work less, get paid less and when Sofia hasn't been with me, I've been on my own because Penny's been so busy with her grant. In those moments I thought of Seattle, I thought of my friends at Grey Sloan and I thought of Arizona, but I never allowed my thoughts to linger too long on the blonde because everytimethey did, I felt a tiny tug at my heart, a voice would pop up and make me doubt the choice I had made and I couldn't fail at another relationship. I chose Penny, I uplifted Sofia's life and I know I hurt Arizona so I had to make it work.

When Penny did have time off, we would spend it together and with Sofia when she was around and I've...content. But as content as its been I'm not blind. Sofia hasn't been the happy go lucky child she normally is. She's been more withdrawn and the light that used to sparkle in her eyes is dulled. Even then at the expense of my daughter I've pushed on because for one brief moment in time, I saw Penny standing by my side. I had a woman who loved me, who wanted me so I didn't question anything else. I was living in the moment and wrapped up in a new relationship. What could be so wrong with that? I had already walked away once before from someone that loved me I wasn't about to do it again so I ignored what was in front of me and pushed on.

Now though, in a few day's Sofia will be boarding a plane to Seattle to spend Christmas with her mother and I'm supposed to stay here with Penny and celebrate with her and instead of feeling elated, instead of feeling happy to have uninterrupted time with the woman I love all I feel is depressed. All I feel is a sense of dread and unhappiness because I know I can't continue to do this.

A life where everything is just fine, isn't enough for me.

A life where my daughter walks around like a shadow of her former self isn't right.

A life where I see someone else by my side is what I want. It's what I've always wanted but I was too hurt, too stubborn and too scared to admit it and now I've lost it all.

"Callie...Calliope...hello?!"

"Huh?" I'm shaken out of my reveire by Penny waving a hand in front of my face and looking concerned.

"I've been trying to get your attention for a while, you seem kind of out of it...i-is...everything alright?"

"Oh sorry, um, I was just lost in thought".

"Ok well the game is over and Sof's waiting for us down on the field, we should head down, then maybe we can take her out for Ice Cream. What do you think?" Penny ask's me hopefully.

I know she can sense something is wrong but she doesn't push me. She never has. And that's part of the problem that has me feeling this way. Penny's great. She's pretty and talented, kind and thoughtful. She's perfect for me except she doesn't make my heart pound, not like I know it's capable of. There's no fire between us, it's more like a mild simmer. Even sexually it's just fine. I enjoy making love to her, but she doesn't make me want to rip her clothes off and fuck her for day's on end. Everything with Penny is just fine. And I don't want fine. I want passion and fire, I want someone who even though they infuriate me to the point where I want to throw them out a window, I still want to wake up to them the next day. I want someone that with one look still after months and years makes my knees tremble. I want someone that makes me quiver with a single feather light touch.

There's only ever been one person that's been able to do that for me.

And she's miles away in a different city.

And she would never forgive me, even though we parted on good terms, I know I hurt her, I put her through hell, we put each other through hell but ultimatley I left. I walked away not once but twice and in the year that I've been gone we have barely spoken. Only formalities regarding Sofia and the odd, how are you, I'm good. That's about it.

And now I'm here in New York with a woman that while I care about her deeply, I don't see a future with her. The woman I do see a future with is in another city and probably well and truly moved on with her life.

"Seriously Calliope, what is wrong?"

Again I'm shaken out of my thoughts by Penny who is looking more distressed by the minute.

"I...I, we need to talk" I state bluntly. "Not here, not now but tonight, we really need to talk Penny".

She looks terribly apprehensive and I feel utterly horrible because I know I'm about to burst this bubble we've been in but for the last few years everything has been so...distorted. I've not felt secure and safe and sure for a long time and now I do. Now I really once and for all now what I want in life. I've made a hell of a mess on the way and I've hurt people terribly and I don't look forward to doing it again but it's like the fog has finally been lifted and I can see clearly now. I can't let this drag out any long, it's not fair on Penny, Sofia or myself.

"Is everything alright? What's happened? You're scaring me Callie"

"Lets just get Sofia and go get some Ice Cream and then we'll talk tonight Ok?" I say. " I promise I'll explain everything later. Lets just get out of here for now".

Penny nods her head and I can see how unsure she is and I hate being the reason for that but it's time I stopped living a lie and allow myself to finally accept the truth. I've hidden it away for so long that I stopped believing it but it's out now, and I can't not accept it.

I have to be true to my heart.

Even if it means hurting someone else.

The boulder in my stomach feels heavy as I follow quietly behind Penny as we make our way to the Soccer field. When we arrive, Sofia quietly approaches us.

"Hi Mami, Hi Penny".

"Hi Baby girl. You were so great out there, I'm really proud of you!" I exclaim excitedly although in all honesty I didn't really notice much of her game too caught up in my own thoughts which makes me feel guilty.

"Thanks Mami. Are we going home now?" My brown haired beauty asks and I notice the distinct lack of enthusiasm in her voice as she questions if we are going _home_ , which makes the guilt just pile on. I've selfishly hurt my daughter because I didn't want to fail, I didn't want to see the truth because I was still too hurt and because of that my poor darling girl has been suffering. It only makes me more determined to fix this.

"I thought we could go for Ice Cream instead...what do you think Sof?" pipes up Penny trying to add some cheerfulness to the situation.

Sofia looks to me and I nod my head with a smile on my face, she smiles back but it's not as bright as it used to be.

"Okay, lets go for Ice Cream" she say's and she starts walking off the field. I stand there a moment as I watch her walk away and Penny automatically falls into step with her and takes her little hand and my heart clenches painfully because I'm about to break this woman's heart.

"Come on Mami" Sofia yells out as they stop and turn around.

I plaster a fake smile on my face as Penny eyes me apprehensively and jog over to catch up with them.

"Sorry sweetpea, lets go, I'm dying to have some chocolate ice cream!" I say enthusiastically hoping to keep things as happy as I can for the moment.

Tonight will come all too soon and it's going to be horribly hard but for now I can take my daughter to get Ice Cream and I can share this last moment with Penny.

After tonight everything is going to change.

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 **There you have it, my very first chapter! Let me know what ya'll think and if you's are interested in me continuing this!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks so much for the reviews and PM's I got. I was blown away. I wasn't sure what to expect and I'm very grateful. I left up a couple Anon reviews and I wanted to very quickly address them then I won't talk about this again.**

 **This is MY story and MY take on the characters. I'm not a professional writer, I'm doing this for fun. I won't tolerate being called a Callie hater because someone doesn't like something I write. I'm writing the way I've interpreted the characters and their actions over the past years. If you don't agree with something please let me know constructively but I will not adjust MY story or MY views and opinion to suit someone who thinks I'm calling Callie a meanie or making her grovel too much. This isn't about what Arizona did or didn't do when she cheated...That happened years ago...move on. While it may be addressed I'm not interested in why Callie was the wronged party and Arizona's a great big dirty slut. This also isn't about wanting Callie to be miserable and if I write her as miserable then so be it! I'll write what I want to write for the story and it's all made up folks so please take nothing too seriously.**

 **I'm posting this now because I have a busy weekend ahead of me so doubt I'll be able to post until my Sunday which is a few day's away unless I have spare time tomorrow evening.**

 **Thanks. And I hope those who did enjoy the first chapter enjoy the second! It's going to be a bit slow going for the first few. But in a few more the pace and...action and maybe angst/drama will pick up!**

 **Oh and again No beta so all mistakes are mine. And all Characters belong to Shonda and Co unless I decide to create a fictional one which I very well may have done!**

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 **Chapter 2**

 **There's no place like home and no one like you**

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I can feel my heart thundering in my chest as hazel eyes bore into my own, Sofia is in bed and Penny and I are seated beside one another on the sofa. I've had my fair share of break up's over the years. Same have been mutual, some I've been the one to get dumped and some I've been the one to break up with the other person. Some of them I wept over for weeks, and others I was perfectly Ok the next day. There's only been one break up that has tore me to pieces from the inside out. That break up was when I left the therapists office over 3 years ago. I walked out and from then on my life wasn't the same.

What I'm about to do I know I'm about to do for the second time. I'm about to walk out of someone's life who loves me. I'm about to break another heart and it pains me so much especially because Penny hasn't done anything to warrant this. The only thing she is guilty of is...she's not Arizona - and that is not her fault.

"So what's going on Calliope? You've got me really worried." Penny starts off. Her knee is boucing up and down in what I know is a nervous gesture.

There's no nice way to do this, how do you soften the blow when you're about to blow up someone's entire world?

"Penny, you know I care about you so much, I love you...and coming to New York with you it's...uh...it's been a real eye opener b-but the thing is...uh you see...I-I..." God I can't even get the words out, it's excruciatingly hard.

"Stop. You're breaking up with me aren't you?" Penny intervenes, her voice is strong although I pick up a slight waver.

Making sure I look her square in the eye I nod once, "I am and I am so so sorry."

I wait a moment to give her a chance to reply, to scream if she needs to, to cry and throw me out of the house but she doesn't do any of those things. Instead she looks at and I can she's trying not to cry and she says "Its her isn't it?

I know who she's referring too but I feel too awful to admit it to her, it's like adding another knife to the already hundreds I've just stabbed in her back. "Penny, it's me, it's not you and I know that's cliched..but...I'm just so sorry I swear it's not you."

"It is cliched Callie so just tell me the truth, I'm a big girl I can handle it" she say's determinedly.

"Yes it's her, it's always been her and god I wish it wasn't, you don't know how many times I wish I could just forget her and move on but...I have to be true to myself. I never wanted this to happen and I realize what I've done.." I start but she puts a hand up in the air effectively silencing me.

"No you don't Callie. You don't realize what you've done. I asked you, not once, not twice but several times if you were sure I was what you wanted. You assured me repeatedly I was. I asked you if you were over Arizona and you told me you were. The night you turned up here, I gave you an out then. I told you to be sure, and you again told me you were. I allowed myself to fall in love with you. I had a future planned for us and this whole time...you've been thinking of her! I've loved you and accepted you and have done everything I can to make you happy but it's all been for nothing!" She says as her voice suddenly starts to rise in volume. Here comes the angry yelling part of breaking up.

"Penny please just listen to me, it's not as simple as that." I plead with her to let me explain.

"No just don't. I don't want to hear any excuses Callie. It's been a year and what...you've been faking it this whole time? You've been biding your time until what? Tell me Callie. Tell me why I'm not a good enough partner for you!" Penny demands wanting answers that if I give her will only hurt her more.

I realize this is getting us no where, I'm not upset at her for yelling at me, I'm not upset at what she is saying to me. Everything is justified. I've fucked her around and I deserve everything I get from her.

"Penny please just listen." I try to take her hand to get her to calm down but she shrugs me off.

"I'm sorry Ok! I'm so bloody sorry that I'm doing this, you have no idea but if you want honesty then sit down and let me explain and then I'll leave. If you just want to yell and scream at me which I totally deserve then go ahead but the end result is going to be the same and I'm so unbelievably sorry for that." I explain heatedly.

My words seem to drain her of some of her anger momentarily at least and she all but slides to the Sofa and I can see the fight leave her. I hate knowing that I've caused that, I hate knowing that I've caused yet another woman pain.

I cautiously sit down beside her, hesitating if I should try for some physical contact, I doubt it would be welcomed at the moment. I start to reach out but pull back at the last minute as I see her flinch.

"Please just tell me what I've done wrong Callie, I thought we were happy? I love you, more than I've loved anyone. I want a future with you, a life...children. It's been a year since you left Seattle, I thought we were good. Tell me where we've gone wrong. I need to understand" she asks softly while her eyes make contact with mine.

"When Arizona cheated on me..." I start but am swiftly cut off.

"Are you serious? What does that have to do with this? With us?" She asks and not without some disdain in her voice.

"You want me to answer your questions and explain why we're here then it starts with that and I'm sorry for anything I'm about to say that is going to hurt you but the least I can do is give you full and total honesty. You deserve that much."

Penny quietly scoffs but I take a breath and carry on, "When Arizona cheated on me, I lost a piece of myself and it wasn't a little piece, it was pretty much everything that I had left in me. I kept going for Sofia but every day it felt like I was dying. Eventually we reconciled but...nothing was fixed. We just put on a temporary band aid. I wasn't ready to reconcile but I done it on the word of my father and because I was...scared and alone. We tried and we tried, but in the end it just didn't work. It was no-one's fault. Not Arizona's nor mine. It was my choice though to walk away from her. I couldn't breathe, I was unhappy, she was unhappy...so I walked away hoping to save us both."

I'm watching Penny as she listens to me and I can see how she's hanging on my every word like she's really listening for the reason why I'm doing what I'm doing.

"So you were unhappy when you were with her? And you left her. That was your choice Callie. Then you met me and we've been happy!" Penny exclaims.

She's trying to hold onto something, anything and I smile sadly. Nothing at this stage will make it better.

"I was unhappy when I was with her...and I did leave her because at the time it was what I needed but...I...still loved her." I state quietly but loudly enough that I know she heard me.

"But then you met me Calliope! You met me and we dated and we were happy!" she exclaims as she moves closer to me and takes my hands hanging on for dear life. I don't rebuff the physical contact instead I hold her hands tight within my own.

"I did meet you and we were happy. You have been amazing. You've been everything I needed and I do love you Penny...B-but...its, it's just not you Ok." I finish lamely. God I'm terrible at this, the least I owe her is the truth but how do I tell her the truth without hurting her anymore than I have.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! God Callie just tell me the truth. Not this it's me not you bullshit! If you love me then why are you doing this? If you've been happy then why are we breaking up?!"

I know I have no right to get angry but my emotions are all over the place. I stand up and match her in volume, "I'm IN love her Ok! I can't help it. I tried not to be. God knows Iv'e tried but I just can't help the way I feel. I have loved you, I've not lied about that but I'm sorry...I'm not in love with you." I all but yell at her, her face is a mixture of anger and sadness and I take a breath to calm myself before carrying on in a more calmer tone.

"I thought I was in love with you, because you made me feel good, I could breath when I was with you and I have enjoyed being with you but...I was burying my feelings because I was still so hurt and upset with her. It's never been finished between her and I. I took the easy way out that day when I left Therapy. I walked away leaving our problems to go unsolved and along with it the love I had for her. But it's always been there I just buried it so deep and convinced myself she wasn't who I wanted and then you came along and I felt like it was a sign. When I was with you I didn't think about her. I know now though that it's been a mistake. I will never forgive myself for doing this to you Penny. You have to believe me." I implore.

"When did you know that this was a mistake. When did you suddenly remember you had feelings for your ex wife?" the red head demands.

"I...I don't think that really matters, in the end it all amounts to the same." I say trying to get out of answering her question because I know she will not like the answer.

"No, you answer me. You said you owe me the truth, well I want all of it. When did you realize she was the one for you and I was just disposable."

I shrink at her words and her tone. I deserved that but by fuck if it doesn't hurt.

"Today. When we were back in Seattle, before you met Sofia I asked Bailey a question. I asked her when she thought it was right that I introduce Sofia to you. She painted me a picture...of my future, of me at a Soccer game of Sofia's cheering and yelling for her in the crowd and there was someone by my side. She asked me who I saw...and I saw you. Then today when we were on that Soccer field and you were there with your arm around me cheering on my daughter...I looked at you...and you were no longer there..." I linger for a while because what wants to come out of my mouth next will only hurt her un-necessarily.

There's a brief lull in conversation where my mouth opens and closes a few times but I'm saved from finishing because Penny finishes my thoughts for me. "It was her by your side...not me. Just say it." she orders me, and I guess she needs to hear it to make it real, to make it final.

"I'm so sorry but yes it was Arizona. I was standing in the future Bailey painted me, maybe not 20 years down the track but it was the future I had envisioned and all I could see was her even though you were physically right beside me. You deserve more than me. You deserve someone so much better and I am so sorry Penny". I say truthfully.

It's all silent for a moment as we both look at each other then...

"Get out now!" Penny points a shaking finger towards the door and I do a double take.

"W-what? Penny it's 10 pm on a Saturday and Sofia is asleep. You can't expect me to leave right now." I plead as I step closer to her to try and reason with her.

"GET OUT NOW! I want you out of my house and out of my life! I gave everything to you. I thought I was safe with you but this whole time it's been Arizona fucking Robbins! I would never cheat on you. I would never treat you the way she did...she's...she's fucked and so are you! So get the hell out NOW!" my now ex girlfriend roars at me.

I've never seen her like this ever! She's always so calm and collected and quiet. To know I've brought this side out of her is...devastating, but I can see there is nothing left to be said. She doesn't want to hear it and I can't blame her.

"Ok, ok. Let me grab my stuff and Sofia please. Just give me 30 minutes and I'll be out of your hair." I tell her.

For a moment I think she's going to tell me to get stuffed and to walk out with the clothes on my back but she just stiffly nods her head and walks into the kitchen. Letting out a breath I walk into our room and head straight to the closet for my suitcase and start packing. 

30 minutes later, I have both myself and Sofia's Suitcases all packed up and my daughter on my hip who is thankfully still sleeping after a little meltdown at being woken up at such a late hour. That's all I'm walking away with from this year in New York. Two suitcases of clothes. And now a terribly sad memory that I'm not sure I'll be able to let go of for a while.

Standing at the door I turn around and take one last look at the small but modern two bedroom apartment that has been my home for the past year. Sighing heavily I open the door and the cold wind rushes in causing Sofia to snuggle in closer to me. I manage to manevur our luggage outside without jostling Sofia too much and head back to grab my last bag. Penny is no where to be seen and I stand in the doorway for a moment hoping she'll appear. After a minute or so when it seems she isn't coming I adjust Sofia again and grab my last suitcase, using my foot to nudge it outside I turn and place my hand on the door to close it but at the last second Penny appears.

"So this is it then?" She say's quietly.

"It is. I'm sorry. I'm truly and deeply sorry." I say genuinely and I really mean it.

The woman who has loved me for more than a year looks at me wistfully for a moment, tears slowly leaking down her pale face.

"Don't think you can come running back to me if it doesn't work out with her. I will never forgive you for this Callie." She say's coldly.

"I know that. I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry." I repeat sounding like a broken record.

"I don't need you to say anything. Just...go...go and never come back." she say's before slamming the door shut so loudly the echoing sound feels like it's vibrating within my very heart. I may not be in love with her but I did love her and I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself for what I've just done. I had to be true to myself though. I know I have one hell of a journey ahead of me and as the cab pulls up and I wave him over to help me with my luggage I look back at the apartment and I see her face staring out through the window. I smile at her sadly but she just pulls the curtain so she's out of sight and I know this chapter of my life is finished.

That part of my life is over and I'm about to finally go home and...I'm more terrified than I have ever been in my life. I've just ended a long term relationship with a woman who's heart I've torn in two to go home a year later to a woman who's heart I also broke. I have no idea what I'm going to be walking into but I know I'm going to have to face the consequences of what I left behind and for once in my life I'm ready. I'm ready to do the hard work, I'm ready to fight for what I want, I'm ready to finally have my happy ending.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks everyone who has reviewed so far, I truly appreciate the support. There have been a few Anon reviews that I have not accepted. Again bullying and rude for the sake of being a Troll won't be accepted so to those who like to call me a bitch for no apparent reason just don't waste your own time or breath. But to those who are enjoying this please continue to let me know.**

 **All mistakes are my own, I have no Beta.**

 **All characters belong to Shonda and Co except for one's that I make up!**

 **Enjoy everyone.**

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 **Chapter 3**

 **There's no place like home, and no-one like you.**

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"Mami...Mami...wake up!" I hear Sofia's voice beside me as I groggily open my eyes. Stretching and yawning a little bit I turn over stopping the insistent little fingers swatting at my back to find my daughter's beautiful eyes staring back at me. Smiling I pull her into me close and start peppering kisses all over her gorgeous face.

"Mami, No! Stop it, you're tickling me" she laughs and it's that laughter that wipes the last of the sleepy fog away. I haven't heard her genuinely laugh like that in some time.

I release her slowly smiling at her, "You're up early Sof, I thought you might have slept it." I say to her as I move aside and let her jump up on the big king size bed with me.

"I'm not tired though and I want to go see Mama!" my mini me exclaims excitedly.

The mention of Arizona makes my stomach drop a little but also gives me butterflies, it's a strange combination of feelings. We arrived in Seattle in the early hours of the morning and then I caught a cab to the Archfield at god knows what hour having no where else to go just yet. I haven't told Sofia that we are back for good, and I'm surprised she hasn't questioned me wondering what I'm doing here with her, it's not like I've ever accompanied her on any of her visits to Seattle in the past year. I told her last night as we arrived back in Seattle that we were back home and she smiled sleepily and went back to sleep.

"You've really missed your Mama haven't you kiddo?" I say to her as I play with her beautiful brown locks.

Nodding her head enthusiastically, "I have, I love Mama so much and I miss her when we're in New York." Sofia replies honestly.

"I know darling girl. How...would you feel about seeing Mama more? Like...whenever you wanted?" I ask her.

"Like before when we lived here?" she asks slowly.

"Yes baby girl. Just like before."

I watch as she mulls that information over and I see her eyes widen with excitement, she looks at me slowly, "But I would miss you though Mami. Can't you stay too?" she asks me.

I smile widely, "Of course I can baby girl. The thing is Sofia...Mami wants to move back here to Seattle, what do you think of that huh?"

"I can go back to my school? And you will work at the hosptial again with Mama? What about...Penny though?" she asks me curiously.

"You can go back to your school and I hope I can work at the hospital again. As for Penny...baby girl...the thing is...well Penny and I aren't together anymore. She's going to live in New York". I tell her.

"Ok can we go and see Mama then please! I want to tell her I moved back to her!" Sofia say's excitedly and my heart feels so much more fuller than it has lately. No questions about Penny and I breaking up thankfully. She's just happy to be back home and so am I. I know there's a lot more complicated stuff to come but for now my baby girl is smiling like crazy as she jumps up and down trying to drag me to get dressed so she can see her Mama.

One step closer to getting the future I want.

A couple hours later after I managed to get Sofia to calm down momentarily and actually get dressed and eat breakfast, I find myself standing outside Arizona's place. I couldn't put Sofia off anymore she's been jumping off the walls. But as I stand here with Sofia tugging on my hand as hard as she can to get me to move I find that I can't go any further.

What if Arizona has moved on? It's highly possible. After all she always had woman lining up for her. She probably hates me right about now. What if she tells me to go back to New York? I wouldn't blame her. I put her through hell with the Custody trial and she still gave me what I wanted - a chance to be happy and yet here I am standing outside her house because I wasn't happy.

"Please Mami, lets go" Sofia begs me.

I look down at my daughter and see how excited she is and I know I can't delay this because I'm being a coward. I made my bed and now I have to lie in it, just hopefully, eventually it will be with Arizona but that's probably wishful thinking. It's been a year since I saw her last except for Skype and 3 years since we divorced. The most likely reaction is her telling me to bugger off but I swore to myself I'd make this right. I didn't leave Penny and break her heart in the middle of the night for no reason. I left because I was unhappy, I left because I am in love with Arizona and I have to put in the hard yards to show her just how I feel starting with facing her for the first time in a year.

"Ok baby girl lets go." I say stealing myself for whatever reaction I'm going to receive.

Approaching the door, I knock three times as does Sofia but her knock is a little more enthusiastic. She's bouncing up and down beside me smiling so big but it does nothing to settle my stomach. I feel like I'm about to throw up my breakfast from this morning.

A moment passes and I can hear voices getting closer and Sofia knocks again smiling up at me.

The door opens and the blonde who opens the door looks at me quizically, she eyes me up and down briefly before plastering a smile on her face. Those butterflies have suddenly turned into a rocks, rocks with jagged edges that are reaching into my heart and cutting it open. The woman at the door is nothing short of absolutely stunning and she's standing there in a pair of the tiniest running shorts I've seen and Arizona's favorite John Hopkin's shirt - the shirt I used to often wear.

"Hi there, you must be Sofia!" comes the voice of the blonde in front of me. Her smile only enhances her already pronounced beauty. I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole because I'm not stupid. This woman clearly is Arizona's girlfriend.

"Who are you? Where's my Mama?" Sofia inquires and she tries to peek around the ridiculsouly long legs in front of her.

"I..I'm your Mama's friend" she say's hesitantly and as she say's that I notice how she puts her hands behind her back and takes a small step back. "Let me get her for you", and with that she disappears quickly leaving Sofia and I standing at the front door.

"Who was that lady Mami?" Sofia asks me as she peers up at me curiously.

"I don't know baby girl" but that's not true. It doesn't take a genuis to work it out. I'm not surprised. I'm hurt even though I have no right to be but I'm more hurt by my own naivity that this would be some fairytale reunion. Arizona and I divorced nearly four years ago and for a year of that I've been living in New York in a relationship with someone else. Of course she's moved on. Why wouldn't she?

A few painstakingly slow seconds pass and I hear Sofia's exclamation of Mama before I actually see her. Slowly I lift my gaze and there she is. Looking as beautiful as ever, actually more so than ever. Arms already full of Sofia her face shows complete shock as she looks over the bundle in her arms to my face.

She opens her mouth to speak but then stops and buries her face in Sofia's hair and tightens her embrace. "Oh baby girl, it's so good to see you. I've missed you so so much!" I hear her muffled voice as she soaks in the comfort of our daughter.

"I'm back Mama" Sofia say's to Arizona as they pull out of their tight embrace.

"I can see that Sof, you're early though. I wasn't expecting you for a couple more weeks". Arizona replies as she looks up at me. She doesn't smile but I can feel those blue eyes staring right through me wondering why I'm here early, why I'm here at all.

"Can I tell her Mami?" my daughter asks as she twists in Arizona's arms to look at me.

"Tell me what Sof? Is everything alright?" Arizona questions. She looks directly at me, those blue eyes that I fell for so many years ago burning with intrigue.

"I...we...we're back...for good". I manage to get out and I manage to actually hold eye contact.

Arizona's eyes widen and she takes a step back. My stomach sinks. I knew she would be shocked, maybe even angry at me but the look on her face now chills me to the bone.

"Why?" she asks and her tone cuts me to the core. It's cold and callous and not at all what I'm used to. The only time I've heard her talk like this is after the amputation.

"What?" I ask dumbly. Now is not the time to explain the drama that is my complicated emotional state.

I watch as she takes a deep breath, clearly to calm herself. "Sofia honey why don't you go inside and wait in the living room while I talk to Mama...I assume she can stay a while?" Arizona asks as she glances up at me.

"Uh y-yeah of course. I mean I wanted to talk about it all obviously, but y-yes she can stay with you if you're not busy." I ramble.

Sofia quickly runs off without so much as a goodbye to me and Arizona closes the door behind her. She takes another breath and I can tell she's trying to gather herself before she has to say whatever it is she has to say. She fidgets with her hair then her hands, it's one of her tells that clearly hasn't changed. She always fidgeted whenever she had something big to say, or when she was nervous. I take the chance to look her over and my first assessment was bang on. She looks even more beautiful than ever and that's saying something as I always as cheesy as it sounds thought she was the most beautiful person in the world. Her hair is down to her shoulders and straightened and shines like the sun on a bright summers day. Her skin looks healthy and tanned and her figure as always absolutely delciously perfect especially when she's wearing tight dark denim jeans that hug every curve and a tight tank top highlighting her amazing breasts.

God it's taking everythig I have not to drool over her. I mean I've missed more than just her body but it's been so long since I've allowed myself to just look at her. I never did after the divorce because looking at her for too long still hurt but now as she gathers her thoughts and I have the chance to look over her my heart aches as well as other places even if it isn't the time for that!

Finally she looks up at me and thankfully she doesn't look as angry as before but I can tell she has her guard up. Her posture is rigid even as she leans casually against her front door.

"Why are you back?" she asks me. Straight to the point, great!

 _Because I Love you_

 _Because I missed you_

 _Because I made a mistake in leaving in the first place_

 _Because I made a mistake divoricing you_

But instead, "New York just wasn't for me." Lame I know but there is no way I'm going to tell her the truth right now.

"New York wasn't for you?! Seriously Callie? You've been gone a year, with my baby and you turn up and tell me you're back for good all because New York wasn't for you? What the fuck is that?!" she exclaims angrily.

I know I shouldn't but I just can't help it, she's been the only person ever to evoke such emotions in me and I know this is my fault and I shouldn't be angry but the words are out before I can stop myself.

"You told me to go! I didn't take Sofia away from you, you all but pushed me onto the fucking plane Arizona!" I yell right back. I regret the words the moment they come out of my mouth and more so when Arizona looks like I just slapped her fair across the face.

"Are you for real right now Callie?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. Just I didn't expect to come home and find you so angry". I say more calmly.

Arizona scoffs as she take a step forward. "What did you expect Callie? It's been a year. You moved on, I moved on, life didn't stop because New York wasn't for you."

"I know that Arizona! I never expected it to. I made a mistake Ok. A really big fucking mistake and I'm so sorry I hurt you in the process. I should never have gone to New York. Penny and I are over and I'm back here to stay and I'm not going anywhere and I'm sorry if that upsets you." I tell her honestly.

"So perfect Penny wasn't so perfect after all huh?" she snarks at me.

I don't reply because I'm on the verge of tears. I expected anger maybe but I didn't expect this hostility. In the end I had every right to move away. Arizona and I weren't together, I made a choice because I thought I was in love and I know I hurt her in the process and I know she's probably angry I put her through it all if it was for nothing. But what was I supposed to do? Stay with Penny in New York even though I was miserable so Arizona could be happy here without me? Punish my daughter even more for my own mistakes?

No I had to be true to myself even if it means facing the wrath of my ex wife.

Arizona looks at me and for a moment her features soften, but only for a moment.

"I'm going to go to my lawyer and get a new Custody agreement drafted because I am not going to go through what I did last year when you decide to run off with the next Penny." she say's hurtfully.

I just nod my head because anything I say now clearly won't be well recieved. I just want to get out of here. This was a mistake coming straight here like this. I should have phoned or text or emailed or something.

"Aren't you going to say something?" Arizona asks me roughly.

"What do you want me to say Arizona? I've said I'm sorry. I know I hurt you and I'm sorry for it. We are back to stay and I won't be going anywhere. This is where Sofia belongs and this is where I belong too. I just w-wish that I had realized that sooner before hurting everyone." I reply honestly.

She nods her head stiffly. "Can I have Sofia tonight please."

"Of course, I'm staying at the archfield at the moment so why don't you keep her a few day's until I get settled in somewhere and then get your lawyer to send through the arrangements and we can go from there."

"Ok thank you." she say's and she turns towards the door opening it. I stand there frozen for a second before I start to turn to head back to my car but her voice stops me and this time it's not hardened or cold but sad and sorrowful instead.

"Life moved on...I moved on...I-I honestly never expected to see you back in Seattle...but I moved on Callie..."

"I know Arizona. I'm not angry. I-I'm just coming home. I don't expect anything from you just that you will be able to co-parent with me like we did before and I know even that is asking alot considering everything but I'd really like to be able to be civil at least." I say to her softly. I want more than that, I want it all but it's clear she wants none of that at all.

She turns back and looks at me fully, her eyes bore into mine and I see a few tears slip down her porcelain skin, "I-I-I...I'm getting married Callie" she whispers and in that moment pain upon pain strikes at my heart.

"M-Married? You're getting Married?"

"Y-yes."

"When?" is all I can manage.

"I...we...three weeks Callie, I-I wanted to wait until Sofia was here...I-I should have told you. I'm sorry." she tells me and it does nothing at all to stop my heart from shattering.

"N-No, you owe me nothing. You thought I was gone. C-Congratulations." I say and before she can reply I turn swiftly on the spot and walk as fast as I can on my shaking legs to the car.

 _I lost her_

 _Ya'll didn't think I'd make it that easy did you? LOL, let me know what you think!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you everyone for the reviews and support! Because I've had some really kind words I decided to be nice and give you all the next chapter! Plus I had some spare time and once I started writing I couldn't stop!**

 **This IS a Calzona Fic but how boring would it be if everything was fine and dandy? The rude reviews...go right off my back. Callie hater or bitch...whatever it is that people like to spew out because they can't get their own way it's just a waste of your time. I don't keep reviews that put Arizona in a good light, I keep reviews that are thoughtful and kind and constructive. Seriously use the red X at the top if this isn't your cup of tea. No-one is forcing any of the trolls out there to keep reading. This is my story, completely made up the way I want it! I won't address the immature trolls again.**

 **I will say quickly I know some of you expressed your concerns that it was far too soon for Arizona to be getting married but if you look at it realistically it's been years since Callie and Arizona were a couple. Callie moved to New York! To be with Penny! To have a life with her and Arizona moved on! More will be explained in this chapter and I hope it comforts some of you...if not sorry! Life is too short to be worried about time limits and what is acceptable or not. That's where Arizona was at...sort of LOL!**

 **Thanks again for the reviews guys it really does motivate me to want to write more. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I've changed it to POV's here. And I may continue that way, Im unsure yet. We'll really start to get into the drama next chapter. I don't forsee this being a really long story but enough to hopefully cover everything.**

 **Enjoy and let me know what ya'll all think!**

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 **Chapter 4**

 **There's no place like home and no-one like you**

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 **Arizona's POV**

It's been two day's since Callie and Sofia turned up on my doorstep announcing their arrival back into my life causing me to go into a tailspin. It's been two of the happiest day's of my life - having my daughter back with me, getting to kiss her goodnight, getting to see her smile up at me everytime she looks at me. I had missed her so much, Skype just isn't the same. It's also been two of the most confusing day's of my life.

Nearly a year ago when I turned up on Callie's doorstep with tickets for her and Sofia to New York I had a made the decision to finally let Callie go. She was miserable and my heart broke every-time I looked at her. I had it within me to fix her and that's what I do, I fix people so I set her free. It took everything I had in me to let my ex wife go because despite how long we had been divorced, despite the ugliness throughout the years I had always loved Callie but I had destroyed our marriage a long time ago and Callie put the final nail in the coffin when she walked away from therapy.

Keeping her in Seattle when she was miserable wasn't fair. So I done the only thing I could do, I let her be free, I gave her the happiness that I couldn't provide to her, that I wasn't allowed to anymore and it hurt beyond anything. When Callie and I divorced she seemed to move on with ease while I bounced between heartbroken and depressed. She thrived and gave her big heart the chance to love again and when it came along she snatched it up. Penny was her second chance and while it hurt me I couldn't begrudge her that. I broke her heart in the first place, and even though I still loved her she had made it clear she did not feel the same.

So while she started to make a life for herself with Penny, I dated...or at least I saw woman. I'm not ashamed to say most of my 'dates' only made it as far as the bedroom. I won't apologize for enjoying sex, I'm only human after all and a body beside me for one night took away some of the loneliness while fulfilling other needs but there was never nothing more than the physical connection with all those woman. It was fun and thrilling for a night but the next day I felt nothing.

When Callie finally left, I thought I would break for good even though it was my prompting that made her leave but I didn't break. I healed. Or at least I tried my very best too. Callie was happy, my daughter was safe and I was alive. I deserved a chance at being happy too. The last ties between my ex wife and I were cut and I was free to finally allow myself to want something else.

That's when I met Kim. Not in a bar, not while I was drunk looking for a random hook up but while I was doing my grocery shopping. Cheesy as it maybe, we literally ran into each other in the frozen food section. She ran her cart into me knocking me to the ground and when she helped me up I felt a jolt in the deep recesses of my stomach, not a spark but a full on jolt, something that I hadn't felt since Callie. It didn't escape my notice that she was absolutely stunning and before long we were chatting easily and when she slowly and not at all subtlety looked me over I felt myself blushing like a school girl. It was there beside the TV dinners that I took a chance when she asked me out on a date. My first instinct was to say no but what came out instead was yes.

It was only 3 weeks since Callie had left but the knowledge that she was living her life with Penny and building a new life only encouraged me more to move on. I had made mistakes, I had hurt people but did that mean I was doomed to be miserable forever? Did that mean I wasn't allowed my second chance at happiness? Kim made me smile and not a fake smile either, a genuine full blown smile. She made me laugh and she made me feel beautiful. Soon our first date turned into a second, then a third, and within two months we took a weekend away together and we made love for the first time and it was amazing and it was the first time I didn't think of Callie.

My friends encouraged me to move on and they all love Kim. She's intelligent and witty and gorgeous and carefree and she loves me. Weeks turned into months and our relationship bloomed and like the lesbian cliche that I am within six months I asked her to move in with me and we've been happy. I had spent so long pining for Callie, missing her in secret that I had never thought there was a possibility that I would find someone else that I could actually fall for but with Callie gone for good I was able to do so. As time progressed I thought of Callie from time to time but I never lingered too long because I had put her in a box when she left and sealed it tight. She had been the only person ever to provoke such strong emotions in me. Thinking about her still left me with a small pang and I think it always will because she was my first...everything. She was the woman who I had a family with, who I changed for, who I fell in love with and thought I would die with. Getting over her was the hardest thing I ever had to do and even six months into my relationship with Kim I knew that thinking about her too much would open up a can of worms so I kept her in the box and I moved on with Kim.

It's been a whirlwind romance with Kim. She's the polar opposite to Callie in every way and I've been very thankful for that. Our relationship has been easy and I've needed that after the last few years. She's helped me find myself again, and that's something I never thought would happen. I talked about Callie to her once and once only. She asked me what happened and I was honest with her about everything and she didn't berate me for cheating she accepted it but she asked me one question.

 _"Arizona I can see myself falling for you...I-I'm nearly there, so before I actually do I need to ask you something"._

 _"You can ask me anything baby. I've been nothing but honest with you"._

 _"Are you completely over her? And please don't lie to me, if there is any lingering doubt, any lingering feelings just tell me because I want a life with you, I want it all but before I give myself to you I need to know that ghosts from your past aren't going to be haunting us"_

We were laying in bed tangled up in each other when she out of the blue asked about Callie. I wasn't shocked, we had been seeing each other for six months and we had never talked about Callie, only the brief mention I had an ex wife who lived in New York with my daughter. Her green eyes bore into mine and I knew I was falling for her and Callie was gone, and I didn't want to be alone, she made me happy, she made me feel safe, she made me feel like I could trust my heart with her.

 _"You have nothing to be worried about. That chapter of my life is completely over. It was over a long time ago. I'm with you now and there is no where else I'd rather be"._

 _"Really? You mean that?"_

 _"I do Kim, I really do...in fact...how would you feel...um...uh about moving in with me?"_

 _"Yes! Oh my god yes Arizona! I'm going to make you so happy I swear!"_

That was six months ago and I still remember Kim wrapping her arms around me as she peppered my face with kisses and I still remember the asbolute guilt I felt that I may have just lied to the woman I was seeing because as she rolled on top of me and made her way down my body, she wasn't the person on my mind at all, it was the first time that I thought of Callie.

The next morning I felt unsettled but Kim was too wrapped up in her happiness to notice. The box that I had sealed tight had opened up a little but I had a woman who cared for me, who wanted me and who I didn't suffocate so I forced it closed again and we moved her things in and settled into an easy routine. It was nice to have someone waiting at home for me at the end of the day. It was nice to be with someone who wanted me enough. Soon things settled down and the box stayed closed and we moved on with our lifes and when we hit the eight month mark, Kim told me she loved me as she got down on one knee and asked me to marry her.

The lid of the box I had worked hard to seal flew right open and with it the realization that the small flame I would always hold for Callie wasn't so small but instead a raging furnace because as Kim looked up at me eyes full of love wanting me to be her wife the only person, no matter how hard I tried that I could imagine spending forever with was Callie. So for the second time in my relationship I felt guilty because as the words 'Yes I'll marry you' came out I had just told the biggest lie possible. I should have said no but I told myself that Callie was gone and never coming back. This was my chance to be happy. I'm adored and loved and it feels great and Callie was gone...she was with Penny and she was in New York and I've been here in Seattle with a woman who wants to give me the world so I said yes because I do love Kim, and Callie loved Penny. Maybe it wouldn't be what it was with Callie but it didn't have to be because Kim and Callie were two different people. But it could be something. I've been happy, I love her, and so I said yes and we moved on, full steam ahead planning the wedding. Kim wanted me to be her wife as soon as possible and I've tried hard and I've been...content on the surface but unsettled on my own, confused and conflicted in my head and heart but I refuse to break Kim's heart because my feelings are playing up. I refuse to leave a woman who makes me feel enough, who makes me feel wanted and loved because the damm lid of the box blew off. Callie's with Penny, Callie's in New York and I've held onto that for the past four months until two day's ago.

Two day's ago Callie turns up on my doorstep looking as breathtakingly beautiful as she did all those many years ago when I first laid eyes on her. I was shocked and angry, hurt and happy. So many emotions fought within me because I had made a committment to Kim. The woman who wants me. The woman who loves me and then Callie turns up out of nowhere looking at me like she used to and the box I keep trying to keep closed is completely broken and everything I've ever felt I can feel is bubbling to the surface and I just can't go there again.

"Arizona...babe..."

"Huh?" I'm broken out of my reverie as I look over at Kim who is seated next to me looking terrified. "Sorry I was...lost in thought" I tell her and its not a lie.

She takes my hand and looks me in the eye, "You've been distant for the past two days, I can see you're happy Sofia is here with you but something's not right." she say's to me and I can feel my heart starting to beat a little faster...

"Everything's fine babe. It's just...a-a lot to process. I'm sorry." I tell her.

"Arizona I know you! I love you and I know when you're lying to me...you're a terrible liar!" she accuses me and for the first time ever I hear anger in her voice. Kim and I have never fought, not even a little bit, everything's always been so easy with her.

"Lying about what? God Kim, I'm in shock that Sofia is back, it's a huge change. I'm just processing what this means for me now and you're angry? Am I not allowed to be quiet for a while? Why are you riding me like this?!" I fire right back.

"This isn't about Sofia! It's about...h-her. I can see it in your eyes. You promised me Arizona, you told me you were over her! You can't do this to me!" Kim rages at me and I can see the tears already forming in her eyes.

I stand up and pace the living room before turning to her, "This has nothing to do with her. I love you, I'm marrying you. Have I not proved to you that I'm in this?" lie after lie keeps pouring out and my heart is racing a million miles an hour.

Kim moves to stand next to me and she takes my hands in hers, leaning her forehead against mine I can feel her uneven breaths against my lips. "Promise me Arizona that you love me, promise me nothing is going to change because I love you so much. I know it's been quick but I know we are meant to be. Please don't break my heart baby".

 _Tell her..._

 _Don't break her heart..._

 _Be honest..._

 _You love her..._

 _Callie's back..._

 _You are with Kim..._

 _But Callie's back and she looked at you like she used too..._

"I love you and I'm not going anywhere. We are getting married in three weeks and nothing else matters. I promise baby I'm not going anywhere". I seal my lie with a kiss and the emotions of our argument fizzle over and before I know it we're ripping each other's clothes off and making our way to the room. Our naked bodies tangle together and heavy breaths breach our lips. The feel of Kim's long hair makes its way down my body and as she spreads me open my eyes close and I let out a loud moan that is part pleasure and part agony because the box is shattered and along with it my heart too.

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 **Callie's POV**

In the last few day's I ended my relationship, moved across the country...again and had my heart broken...again. I knew coming back to Seattle would be hard, I knew it would bring up many emotions for me and I knew that Arizona might react negatively. I uprooted all of our lives when I decided to follow Penny to New York. I hurt my ex wife and Sofia and in the end it was all for nothing and just to make things even more of a mess I broke Penny's heart too. I thought a lot about Arizona on the plane ride back and I knew that the possibility of her having moved on was high but what I didn't think would happen would be her telling me that she was getting married. That was the last thing I expected. A door to the face, a girlfriend maybe, a slap across the face...any of those things but not her marrying someone else. I didn't expect she would be waiting for me and she had every right to move on. We're divorced, it's been years since we have been romantically linked and yet the moment she delivered that bit of news my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces because I love her and now it's too late.

I was so consumed with hurt for so long after our break up that I was numb to everything that had to do with her. I had to put her away and keep her there because every time I thought of our failed marriage I questioned if I had given up too easily. Then Penny came along and I stopped thinking about Arizona. It felt like a sign because Penny was like a breath of fresh air. She made me feel again. She was what I needed at the time. She was easy and she didn't make me question everything. She was just there and made me feel good and as time passed I really started to care for her and before I knew it life had moved on. Arizona and I were amicable and she seemed happy. Penny wanted me and I wanted to be loved. I wanted to know that I hadn't had only once chance and that I could love again so I threw myself into Penny, making plans and making a life but eventually it all blew up in my face.

So now I'm back and the woman I came back for is getting married to some blonde bombshell. I was prepared for Arizona to be with someone I could have dealt with it temporarily at least but marrying someone...that's forever. I came back because I know my only chance at my forever happiness is with her but she's found someone else to grow old with, to make a family with, she's found someone who she can see a future with and as each hour passes the future I want slips further away.

Sighing I take a deep breath and look out into the darkening sky. The wind has picked up and I shiver as I pull my leather jacket tighter around myself. I came to our bench overlooking Seattle hoping to get some clarity, hoping to find some answers and there's only one thing left for me to do.

When I left a year ago I truly believed that I was doing the right thing. I thought Penny was my second chance. I didn't want to believe we only get one chance at being happy. I tried as hard as I could to make it work but in the end it's always been Arizona...but she let me go and I left. She gave me something so precious after all I had done, after everything we both had done to each other she gave me the chance to start over again. Through no fault of her's it didn't work. I realized finally, once and for all that she is the one I want but unfortunately I realized that too late. She gave me the gift of being free and I owe her the same courtesy. I love her and I always will but I have no right to try and take away what she has built so now I need to let her go. I need to accept that we did get it wrong and that you can't go back. I missed my chance but I love Arizona enough to give her, her second chance at happiness, it's the least I can do for her after everything she has given me.

I have to let her go and as that realization sinks it, I don't hold back my emotions, I let myself feel every single thing I'm feeling and as the sky's open up the rain washes away my tears and the last chance I had at happiness.

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 **I hope you all enjoyed it! I know most of you aren't fans of either of them having someone else but I'm not going to make it too easy on ya'll. Where would the fun be in that?! But hopefully this calms some of you down a bit! It is a Calzona Fic after all there just might be some work involved!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone! I'm absolutely truly blown away by the reviews and support from ya'll. Thank you all so much, I've been trying to reply individually to you all, sorry If I have missed any of you out. Thanks to the Anon one's too, Sorry I can't reply to you one's though.**

 **This is the longest chapter yet, I don't feel fantastic about it but it's kind of the chapter that will lead into the rest of the story. At this stage I have no idea how long it will be or whether it will be that long at all.**

 **Anyway on with the story! Let me all know what you think please! And I actually can't remember how old Sofia is so If I got her age wrong just holler. All mistakes are my own, I have no Beta and I own no-body minus the one's I make up!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

 **There's no place like home and no-one like you**

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 **Callie's POV**

"I really just don't know Torres, there are...factors that make me reluctant to offer you a position here again". Bailey tells me as I sit in here in her office.

After my realization yesterday regarding my feelings towards Arizona I knew I had to move forward and that started with securing a job. There's only one place that I would want to work at and while I knew Bailey might not be overly impressed with me seeing how I left her in her the lurch a year ago I really didn't think she would say No. I left New York and my job there to come back to Arizona who I think might hate me, and now back to a hospital that might not want me. If I don't get this job, I don't know what I'll do.

"Bailey, come on! It's me, you know me!" I implore to my old boss and who I thought was a friend.

"I thought I did Torres, until you decided to up and leave a well paying job as Head of Ortho Department, your friends and your life to chase tail across the country only to come back a year later!" Bailey exclaims as she gives me her famous stare down.

I gape at her, speechless. "Y-you won't hire me back because my life in New York didn't work out? How in the world is that fair Bailey?! You can't not give me a job because you're upset I left?" I tell her furiously.

I understand she's upset I left. We were friends, good friends and I kind of just dropped it on her that I was leaving one day. I also didn't stay in contact. At least not with Bailey. I did talk to Meredith sometimes but other than that once I left Seattle, I put it in the past. I had to, to be able to give my new life a real go. Obviously my silence didn't go down well. I can understand her being angry and upset, but when it comes to my job I was damn good at it and Bailey can't dismiss me because she's upset personally.

"That's Chief Bailey to you! And it's nothing to do with me being upset Torres. I unlike you do not let my personal feelings interfere with my job!" she fires back at me and it feels like she just slapped me in the face.

I get it! I fucked up. I chased tail across the country, left my job, my home, my friends and the hospital only for me to come running back. I hurt people, but I am also hurting. Can't she see that? I can't help the way I feel, god I wish that I could, but I can't. Seeing that I am getting no-where and really not having the energy to fight my old friend today I resign myself to not getting the job back. Shoulders sagging I take a deep breath, I can't even look at her in the eye.

"Fine. I understand. I'm sorry I wasted your time Chief Bailey". I say before I stand up and turn to walk out. I get to the door and pull it open and just as I'm about to step out, she calls out to me, not so much calls but yells actually.

"Sit your ass back down this instant Torres! And enough of this Chief Bailey bull-crap!" she sternly say's.

My face is the picture of confusion as I quickly close the door and practically jump back into the vacated seat.

"You just said to call you Chief Bailey" I say to her almost in a child like manner.

Scoffing and shaking her head, I watch as the darker woman takes a breath and looks me over. I can't help but shrink back under her stern gaze. I've never really been intimidated by Bailey, I know how soft she really is but things change, people change. I really don't know where I stand with her now.

"Torres...Callie...I'm glad that you're back and I'm sorry if I've come across as harsh but you have to understand. You really left us in the lurch up and leaving like that. And yes it is personal. You just...left. I thought we meant something to you here...and I'm not begrudging you wanting a new life but you didn't even stay in contact. You just...left. And before you left it's not like things were that pleasant. I..I got up on that stand and you used me! I didn't want to be in the middle of things but you and that woman you call a lawyer made me say things that I didn't mean, my words got twisted and because of that I nearly lost a good friend." she says quietly and I shrink back even further because that's one mistake I will never stop being sorry for.

"I'm sorry Bailey. I-I wasn't thinking clearly then and I never meant to make you choose. But I'm your friend too and I was trying to make a new life for myself and Sofia but I know getting you up on that stand hurt Arizona in the process and I'm sorry for that...I'm sorry for all of it." I tell her truthfully.

"It did hurt Arizona, our relationship wasn't quite the same for some time, but we're fine now. Listen Torres, I would love to give you your job back, in fact there is a position here for you as H.O.D. I never found a suitable replacement. I've had Josephine Evans working here but it's only been temporary. Her contract is up at the end of the year. There's clearly no doubt you're the woman for the job but I have to think of my staff and the future of this hospital." the shorter woman tells me.

I nod my head and wait a few seconds before speaking.

"I get that Bailey and I know I let you down but I promise you I won't this time. I'm back and I'm back for good. I'm not going anywhere and I will work so hard for you, you know I will. I just want to get on with my life and I want to do it here with my friends."

"What about Arizona?" she asks me.

"What do you mean...what about Arizona?"

"Look it's not my place to get involved in the personal life's of my staff, although I've never had much luck there but it's been a year Torres. A lot has happened and in that year I've seen Arizona really change and she's...happy. She wasn't happy for a long time and that was before you left but now she is. I need to know there isn't going to be any...drama between you two if you come back to work. You are my friend Callie, even though I've not heard anything from you in the past year, I consider you a good friend but Robbins is a good friend too and she's happy and her work is fantastic I don't want to upset that if you're going to take off again in a year or if you can't work with her." she tells me.

Swallowing hard, I nod my head and try not to let the tears that are threatening to fall spill out because the moment Arizona's name is mentioned along with being happy I feel that fog settle back over my chest. Although I've made the decision to let Arizona go it doesn't make it any easier and working with her every day is going to be...hard - beyond hard. It's going to hurt like hell but I don't really have a choice. I love this hospital and I've missed it and I have friends here and I don't want to go anywhere else. So I have to suck it up and deal with it. Just like Arizona did when I was with Penny. I have to give her the same courtesy. She didn't walk around picking fights with me in the hospital and I won't with her.

"I've seen Arizona and I...I-I know she's getting married. I'm OK with it. I'm going to be meeting up with her later to talk about Sofia...and stuff. I can work with Arizona. I did it before when we were divorced, I can do it again. I hold nothing against anyone especially the mother of my child. I just want to work Bailey." I tell her honestly but I can't help the shakiness of my voice or the tears lining my eyes as I tell her this.

Surveying me again, I hold eye contact this time trying to convey how much I want and need my job back. Something in Bailey's features soften and I know what she's going to do before she does it. She reaches out across the desk and places her hands on top of mine and squeezes tightly and holds on as she looks up at me with sympathy. "Jesus Christ Torres, it's been years...You were with Blake! You moved to New York, put her through hell, and all this time later you still love her? I thought you were over her a long time ago." she say's to me softly.

Taking a deep breath I open my mouth but pause, the emotions I've been battling with lately threaten to spill out but I did that yesterday. I grieved for what I lost and I told myself that was it. I don't want anyone's sympathy. I don't want any pity, I just want to move on with my life in peace. I can't do it with Arizona so I'll settle for having my job back, having my daughter happy and that will be enough for me.

"I fucked up Bailey, real bad...I-I thought I was too, I really thought I was. Blake...Penny is lovely and I really did care about her but it's Arizona, it's always been her I was just too stupid, blind and hurt to realize it. But it's too late now and I'm...I'll be fine with it. I have no choice." I confide to my old friend.

"I'm sorry Callie. You can have your job back, I was always going to give it to you, just wanted to see you sweat a bit for it." she say's with a bit more of her 'normal' Bailey attitude. "The only thing is you won't get H.O.D until the temp leaves but I could still use you on staff until then. Please though don't upset anything for Robbins. I know it's going to be hard but you're strong Torres and I might not do Personal here but I have nothing against going out for a drink with a friend if she needs to talk outside of work hours Ok?" she say's to me and I smile the first genuine smile I have in days.

"Thank you Bailey, really, thank you. And I promise I won't upset anybody I just want to start again." I tell her.

"Well then Torres, welcome back, it's good to have you with us again. I have to head down to Surgery though, supervising the new interns but I'll see you bright and early on Monday morning." she slips into Chief mode and I stand up and reach out and hug her before she can escape.

"For Christ sakes Torres, you know I don't do hugging!" she say's to me in her usual brusque tone but I just laugh and hug her tighter and within seconds she hugs me back just as tightly with a whispered, "It's good to see you again Callie, I've missed you." 

**Lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

 **Arizona's POV**

The last three day's have been a mix of hell and happiness. It's the oddest feeling, I've missed Sofia so much and having her with me has brightened my day so much. But at night when she's been asleep or during the day when she's in front of the TV and I've had time to myself it's been hell. My emotions are all over the place. I go from angry to elated to hurt to pissed off in seconds. After my argument with Kim and our subsequent make up I've had to tread really carefully around her. She's been watching me like a hawk when she's not been at work and I feel...suffocated and then I feel immediately guilty because she's innocent in all this. She's done nothing but love me and here I am three weeks away from marrying her and I can't be honest with her. I've laid in bed the last three nights with her wrapped around me and it's been Callie that has been on my mind.

The thing is I don't know what to do and its tormenting me every second of every hour of each day. Callie coming back has made me question everything. Then I find myself getting angrier at her and at myself because I don't even know how Callie feels. The day she was here, she looked at me like she used to, when I told her I was getting married, she looked heartbroken and I know what heartbroken looks like on Callie because I broke her heart once upon a time. I could be reading more into it though because why would she come back for me? She could have just come back because things didn't work out with Perfect Penny. But I know her, I spent years studying her face, staring at her when she slept. Every facial, every look I always knew what it meant.

Even if she did come back for me, I'm with Kim. And now I'm questioning my whole relationship with her. I've been happy, I don't feel like I've been living a lie. Have I missed Callie? Yes of course but I did my best to move on. Do I love Kim? Yes I do. I know I do. Am I in love with her...I have asked myself that several times over the course of the last few days and four days ago I would have said yes but now I'm questioning if I'm actually IN love with her or do I just love her because, she came along at such an important time for me. She blew some life back into me. She picked me up when I didn't think I would be able to stand on my own. She made me feel beautiful and safe. When Callie walked out of therapy I was left with the feeling that I wasn't enough. No matter what mistakes I had made in the past I thought we had moved on so when she walked out...I felt like I wasn't enough for her, she told me I suffocated her. I felt small and inadequate and then she left and I was destroyed but I stayed as strong as I could but inside I felt like a part of me had died. Then Kim came along and she healed it. She didn't make me feel like I was suffocating her. She made me feel like more than enough and I have loved her for that and I still do.

Am I supposed to up and leave her just because Callie is back? Am I supposed to give up the life I have made for myself because of a look I thought I saw on Callie's face?

My head say's no, my heart say's no but then a small voice pipe's up and tells me if I'm this confused over my feelings that I shouldn't go through with it. Would I be being fair to Kim by marrying her when at the moment I don't know how I feel about her or Callie? The simple fact that I'm questioning everything because my ex wife has arrived back should be a big warning sign. I don't want to use Kim as a safety net, I want to be with her because I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I thought I did, I had hoped I could but if I'm being honest with myself, the day she proposed I was terrified and I always thought I should have said No. But I didn't because Callie was gone and I love Kim and even though a part of me would always wish it was Callie I knew I could have a happy life with Kim. I knew we could make it work. Then Callie arrives on my doorstep looking breathtakingly beautiful and everything I thought I knew and felt turned upside down.

I cant' keep doing this to myself or to Kim. It's not fair. I spent too long feeling like this when Callie and I split up, my emotions up and down, happy one second, depressed the next minute. I've worked hard to heal myself, to remember that I deserve happiness, that I deserve to be loved so this evening I'm going to be talking to Callie.

She text me earlier asking if we could meet up for a drink and talk. I wanted to text back no, that was my immediate thought, the anger still ever present but I know that we have to. If she really is back for good then we really do need to sort matters in regards to Sofia. Plus I think we need to clear the air. I don't know how good of an idea it is considering I still am so angry but I don't really have the luxury of time on my side. I have a nervous fiance, an excited daughter and an ex wife who turned up out of the blue. I really need to sort my life out because each day that I sit here thinking more and more I just turn myself inside out and I'm no use to anyone like this. I took the last three day's off to spend with Sofia. Bailey was really understanding. She's become a really good friend to me over the past year. Everyone has. Previous to Callie leaving, I had relationships with them all, Bailey, Meredith, Owen, Amelia, Maggie, Jackson but they were never that strong. They were more Callie's friends. I had April and Alex but after Callie left I really bonded with all of them at one point but particularly Bailey, Amelia and Maggie. April I consider my best friend and Alex is still that annoying little brother I love to kick around from time to time but I've really forged deeper connections with the others and I hope it continues to stay that way once Callie is back.

"Arizona are you sure you don't want me to come with you? I mean don't you think Callie should meet me?" Kim asks me as she wanders into the living room where I'm sitting on the Sofa.

Sofia is in her room watching a DVD and having a snack and I've been sitting her for the past 20 minutes lost in my own thoughts. Kim wasn't overly happy when Callie asked me to talk but when I told her of course we had too, we are co-parents and have to discuss Sofia she agreed but she also asked if she could come along. I as tactfully as possible declined telling her that Callie and I needed to talk alone especially in regards to Sofia. She again wasn't happy with that stating that once we married and now that Sofia was back living in Seattle she would be in her life a lot and therefore should meet Sofia's other mother officially but again I managed to fumble for a reason why this time it should be just Callie and myself. I'm in no way ready for Kim to meet Callie and if I know Callie like how I think I do I don't think she's going to greet my fiance with open arms.

"Babe please we've discussed this. I need to do this on my own plus Callie might not be receptive to me bringing you along." I tell her.

"That's ridiculous though Arizona! Once we're married I'm going to be in Sofia's life as much as you. Don't you think Callie will want to know her daughters step mother?" she say's to me as she sits down beside me and immediately I bristle and I feel my heart rate spike at the mention of her being Sofia's stepmother.

"You're not her mother Kim!" I snap coldly as I pull my hands out of her grasp.

I immediately regret my harsh words or at least the tone I snapped them out when Kim pales and recoils like I just slapped her.

"Oh believe me Arizona I know Im not her mother, the mere fact that I only met her this weekend when she's been here throughout the year for visits has made that very clear! I'm not trying to be her mother Arizona but once we get married I will be...something to her." she replies with as much dignity as she can considering what I just said.

Taking a deep breath I sit back down and coax Kim to move next to me. "I'm sorry babe, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just very protective of Sofia and...I...I, you know why I didn't make introductions to you during the year. I explained why and you said you understood. Sofia really seems to have taken to you and that's great. Just...I'm sorry. I'm all over the place and I hate that this...that my past is affecting you, us. I just want to go back to the way things were." I tell her sadly.

She places her arms around me and pulls me into her strong embrace. I burrow my head into her chest and take the comfort she is offering me. This whole thing is a mess, I haven't handled it well at all and everytime I seem to open my mouth lately I end up hurting Kim and she doesn't deserve that. I really need to talk to Callie and not just about Sofia but, about us, about why she's really here because it may have been years since we were married but I still know her. I can still read her like a book and when she turned up here the other day, it wasn't just because Penny and her broke up. It wasn't just because she was bored in New York. I need to know why Callie is back.

"I do understand but you also agreed to marry me Arizona while knowing Sofia was coming back for the year. I mean it's not exactly much notice for a young child. Yes she seems to like me but she's six years old, she's just happy to be with her Mama. It's going to be a different story when she's living here and I'm here everyday with you." she say's to me and she's right. I really didn't think this through.

The visits that Sofia made to Seattle througout the year were spent with me and me alone. She met Kim once in passing, briefly introduced as a friend and that was it. I was never ready for them to meet officially plus I really wanted whatever time I had for just Sofia and I. It was hard on Kim especially the last time Sofia arrived because we were living together at that time but we were lucky that it actually conincided with Kim having to take a work trip for 9 days and I spent the last few days with Sofia at my parents place. Now though, she's right. Once we get married she will essentially be a stepmother to my daughter and that just doesn't sit right for me. I never had a problem with Penny being in Sofia's life but I did feel sick to my stomach believing that Penny would end up meaning more to Sofia than I - but that was when Sofia was living in New York. It's different that she's here now. Callie and I are both here. We're her parents. I know it's stupid and actually really hypocritical of me. Mark once called me nothing in relation to Sofia and it struck a chord in me so deep that I've always carried that scar around with me. Legally I wasn't anything while Mark was around. My blood doesn't run through her veins yet she's my daughter. Kim would be her Stepmother technically but the idea of having someone else parent Sofia, someone else having a claim to her that I had to fight so hard for just doesn't sit right with me.

"I know, I know. I didn't handle it all well and I'm sorry but everything is going to be Ok. I'm going to talk to Callie, find out where she's at and what her plans are. I'm going to talk to Sofia and of course...you can meet Callie. Just let me talk to her alone first. I think I'm entitled to that." I say to her diplomatically.

"Ok Arizona I trust you, I also love you a ridiculously amount so you do what you think is best. I can use the time you're away to maybe bond with Sofia a bit more." Kim replies. I know she wants to say more but she won't push me on this. Whether it's because she's scared of how I'll react or what she'll say I don't know but I'm grateful for it either way.

"I love you too. I'm going to head out now because I want to stop at the hospital quickly to check up on a patient but hopefully I'll only be gone a few hours."

"Ok, and you're sure Sofia will be Ok here with me? Any tips from the Pro?" she jokes with me lightly and it feels nice to smile and laugh. I know this is hard on her, even watching my daughter for a few hours while I meet with my ex is hard on her because I know she senses the slight shift in me lately, it'd be hard not too but she's trying and I need to try make this as easy as possible on her.

"You'll be fine, I've spoken to her and she's cool with it. There's dinner in the over, just pop it in, and just...talk to her about...whatever she wants to talk about. I'm going to go in and talk to her again now but she's a good kid Kim, she'll behave." I reassure her.

After a very enthusiastic goodbye from Kim and a promise from Sofia to eat all her dinner and behave I head over to Joe's. I don't stop at the hospital like I said I would, a tiny white lie I told Kim. I just needed to be here first plus I needed some liquid courage. I don't know how this talk with Callie is going to go but I know it's going to be hard and stressful and most likely bring up a whole lot of emotions for both of us.

Arriving at Joe's the familiarity settles some of my nerves. I order a double whiskey straight up and find a booth at the back of the establishment so we can have some privacy. This place is still over run with hospital staff and I really don't want our conversation to be spread around the hospital. Somethings never change and one of them is how much gossip happens at work. I glance at my watch and see it's right on 5pm, Callie's generally on time and with that thought the butterlies start up again. Taking a big gulp of my drink I fidget with my hair a little and right on cue as I look up, the door opens and in she walks. I can't help but admire her from afar as she looks around trying to find me. She's got her trademark leather jacket on, something that was always a turn on for me, apparently it still is because one look at her in that jacket and the tight black jeans and rather tight red tank top I cross my legs as tightly as I can. I really don't need to be turned on by my ex wife right now.

She looks over and spots me and gives me a little wave before indicating she's going to get a drink. Taking a breath I finish off my own before she arrives at the table.

"I saw you were nearly done so I got you another one." Callie say's to me as she places the drink down in front of me.

Clearing my throat I nod at her not trusting myself to speak at the moment. All I want is answers from her, I have so much I want to say to her, so much I shouldn't, but now that she's here I find that I can't get my mouth to co-operate. She obviously senses my discomfort because she sighs out loud as she shuffles into the booth across from me.

"Arizona I don't want this to be uncomfortable.." she starts as she sips on her wine.

"Neither do I...but I need to know something Callie...and I want the truth." I reply carefully. I can feel the shake in my own hands as I hold my glass.

She looks a little hesitant at first but then I see a firm resolve settle in her brown eyes. She just nods her head for me to continue.

Taking a deep breath, I look her square in the eyes, her big beautiful brown eyes that captivated and held me prisoner for years.

"Did you come back to Seattle for me?" 

**There you have it folks! Next chapter should be interesting to say the least! Let me know what ya'll all think!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks again people's for the support! Really appreciate it! I haven't wrote anything in years especially for Calzona so to have so much interest really is great and makes me want to write more...hence this chapter! I would say enjoy...but that might not be the right word! Don't hate me...this chapter is rather full on, you'll either hate it or me or love it and hate it LOL! But it hasn't given me some idea how long this story will be, I have mostly the rest of the story planned out.**

 **Read, rant and review! I'm really interested to find out what everyone thinks after this one.**

 **All mistakes are my own.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

 **There's no place like home and no-one like you**

* * *

 **Callie's POV**

 _"Did you come back to Seattle for me"_

 _..._

My breath catches in my throat as the question slips out of Arizona's mouth, my eyes are probably the size of saucers right about now as I stare open mouthed at the woman sitting across from me. She's staring at me, her gaze intense and...terrified...hopeful? It's hard to tell. In all my years of knowing Arizona, there were times when I wasn't always able to read what her eyes were telling me. She's the queen of avoidance and the queen of pretending everything is OK until it's not. Most the time I could know what she was thinking with one quick look into those sky blue eyes but there was the odd time when I would look at her and I had no idea, those times normally ended in some form of argument...or sex.

Right now, I'm wavering between terrified myself and hopeful. Why would she ask me that? She's getting married in just over two weeks. What does it matter if I came back for her now? It's not like it's going to change anything...

"Callie...Calliope...!" Arizona's whisper yell breaks me out of my thoughts and I realize I've been sitting here silent for the past few minutes.

"Sorry" I say lamely.

I watch as she roll's her eyes and shuffles in the booth, she flexes her hand, closing her fist open and shut several times and I know that mean's she's getting agitated which soon will likely turn into pissed off. There are some things that just never change.

"You know what forget it. I had hoped we could come here tonight and talk like civil adults but obviously that isn't the case. You can pick Sofia up in the morning if you like and you should be receiving papers from my lawyer any day now regarding the new arrangement." she tells me like we're suddenly in a business meeting. With one last look at me she stands up and pretty much runs out of the door while I'm left sitting there like an idiot.

It takes only a few seconds for my brain to kick in before I rush out behind her. The sky has only just started to darken so it doesn't take long for me to spot her heading towards the hospital bypassing her car on the street. I call out to her but she ignores me and I know she hears me because she really isn't that far from me. Thank goodness I wore my chucks instead of my heels.

"Arizona...Arizona would you please just stop!" I yell when I'm only a couple of meters behind her.

"What Callie! What is it that you want? I wanted one thing from you and you can't even answer a simple damn question!" she yells back at me.

"Simple?...Simple?..." I scoff. "You think what you just asked me was simple? You didn't ask me the weather forecast Arizona, that question is loaded and you know it!"

"Just answer the question Callie!" she tells me as she takes a step closer to me.

By now both of us are breathing heavily, I can almost feel her rage from where she is standing. I can feel myself shaking. Why should I answer her? What good would it do?

 _You came back for her_

 _She's with Kim_

 _Just tell her_

 _She's with Kim_

 _I love her_

 _She's not yours anymore_

"Please Callie, just tell me. Did you come back to Seattle for me?" she asks me again.

"I...why does it matter?" I reply lamely. God I am such a coward. All I wanted to do was come back and declare my undying love for her and I have the perfect opportunity now and I can't get the words to come out of my mouth. I promised myself I would let her go, let her get on with her life with no interference from me, yet here she is asking me the one thing that I promised myself I wouldn't tell her.

"It just does, I need to know and I think you owe me that don't you?" she questions me.

"What? I don't owe you anything Arizona."

"Seriously?! You took my child to New fucking York Callie! You just up and left, uprooted all our lives. I think you owe me something!"

"You fucking told me to go! You all but pushed me onto the plane Arizona!" I scream back as I take a step forward. We're nearly face to face in the middle of the street between Joe's and the hospital screaming at each other.

"Because you were sad and you didn't want to be here that's why I told you to go. What choice did I have?!" she rebuttals at me.

"You could have stopped me! You could have asked me not to go!" I yell as my voice shakes, my whole body shakes. God she is the only one to ever evoke such emotion in me. Standing here arguing with her even though we're yelling at each other is the most...anything I've felt in a while. With Penny everything was so calm and it was nice but this...there's a passion here even if we're both angry. There's chemistry, I can feel it between us. There's a feeling...deep inside me that I only have ever got with Arizona even when we're fighting and it's so palpable, it's like this ball of energy has encased us both and it's only us here, no-one else matters right now.

"Stopped you? A-asked y-you...to not go? What...why...I...I had no...just you know what Calliope, I'm done with this and I'm done with you. Just leave me alone please." she stutters at the beginning but finishes somberly. I can see the energy disappear and the fight leave her. Her whole body sags and it's like a punch to my heart. This was not what I wanted. I didn't think she would ask me what she did. I was prepared to talk about Sofia. About what our life from here on out would mean with her getting married and me back at work. I didn't expect her to ask me if I came back for her. I wasn't prepared for it especially after I resigned myself to the fact that I had lost her but maybe I haven't? Why would she care if she was happy with Kim?

"Arizona..." I sigh as I feel the fight drain out me too. I don't want to argue with her, that's the last thing I want.

"No Callie please. I can't do this with you. Once you're lawyer has looked over the custody arrangement then we're done. Please just...stay out of my life unless it has to do with Sofia because I can't do this..." she say's as she motions between the two of us and that punch to the heart feels more like a stomp.

I watch as she walks back past me, heading to get her car. I stand completely still my mind racing a million miles a minute, my heart beating faster than ever before.

"Yes" I say quietly...I look up and her back is still me as she slowly continues walking. Clearing my throat, I speak louder this time, "Yes I came back for you".

There's no question she heard me this time. My words echo around us in the empty street. I cautiously walk forward while she keeps her back to me, it doesn't take me long to reach her and when I do, I call her name softly urging her to turn around because I can't do this if I have to look at her trembling back. I need to see her face, look into her eyes.

"Please turn around." I request quietly as I place a shaking hand on her shoulder.

"I can't..." she whispers to me so quietly but her words are carried by the wind and reach my ears easily.

"Arizona please, I'm not going to have this conversation with your back. Turn around" I demand softly and more confidently than I feel. My hand slips from her shoulder to her arm and I gently try to force her to turn around. When she does my heart almost leaps out of my chest. She looks so troubled, so hurt...and it makes me hurt. I never wanted to come back and cause her heartache but I can tell by one look into her cerleaun eyes that I have and it pains me greatly.

"Say something...please" I beg her because not knowing what she is thinking is killing me.

"I-I...Are you in love with me?" she asks as she looks up at me.

I'm a little taken back at how bold her line of questioning is tonight but I roll with it. If I can't be honest with her then I'm not being honest with myself and that is what got us into this mess in the first place. Me denying my feelings, refusing to see what was in front of me, burying how I felt. No matter the result I refuse to make the same mistake twice.

Holding her gaze I nod my head and allow myself to smile a little, "Yeah I am Arizona. I've always been in lo..." before I can finish she cuts me off quickly, I barely have time to register the movement before her lips are on mine. There's no softness to the kiss, her lips are demanding, her hands insistent as they bury themselves in my hair. It only takes me a fraction to react. I kiss her back just as fiercely pouring every bit of emotion into our kiss. I yank her smaller frame closer to mine as I wrap my arms around her waist. Her tonuge forces it's way into my mouth and I moan loudly which she swallows quickly. Over and over her mouths dance, our hands move to touch anything that is in reach. My heart is racing but I feel alive, more alive than I can ever remember being in the past years. With each breath and kiss I feel like I'm coming home.

"Calliope..." she whispers as she pulls back a few inches. I take a deep breath and run my hands across her face trying to map every feature that I thought I had forgotten. She does the same and for one moment in time it's just the two of us, the love we shared radiating around us, for one brief moment my world feels right.

"You're too late..." and then the ground below me opens up.

"What...No Arizona, please.." I beg as she takes one step, then two then a third back from me leaving me bereft. For one moment I felt her lips, her touch and I felt complete, but the look on her face, the distance she is putting between us, the words she is saying...that world starts tipping again.

"You had no right to tell me...any of that" she say's and the tone that she whispered my name in, so full of love and wonder is replaced with stone cold anger.

"What? You asked me Arizona...and I can't...I'm sorry I can't lie, I won't lie about how I feel about you." I tell her a little confused and a lot hurt at the abrupt change in mood.

"I know...and you should have lied!" she yells at me.

"You kissed me! YOU KISSED ME! You practically bullied me into answering you and...and you know what I don't care Arizona! I'm not going to lie because it's easier for you. I love you! I am in love with you, I always have been and I always be will and I know you love me too! I know you just felt...that...our connection is still there...a-and...so...I-I...I won't lie anymore." I tell her heatedly.

Fuck it! I know she felt it, I know she loves me. She might have changed, in fact she has, so have I. How could we not? It's been years and we have both been to hell and back but there's one thing I am sure of and I'd bet everything I own and that she loves me too. I felt it - right in the pit of my stomach, I felt it in the way she kissed me, the way she touched me and the way she whispered my name and if there is any chance I can get her back I will fight for her because this time I'm not walking away. I made that mistake more than once but it's not going to happen again.

"Just fuck you Callie! Fuck you! Why? Why did you have to come back? I was happy...I'm getting married! How dare you just...just come back into my life and tell me you love me...!" she rages at me and I don't think I've ever seen her as distressed as she is now.

"Arizona please...just...calm down."

"No I won't calm down...I want you to just go, I don't want anything to do with you, I mean it Callie, stay away from me." she tells me.

"Arizona you're being ridiculous and quite frankly you're overreacting!" I tell her. I understand she's upset and OK, I've possibly turned her life upside down but I've never known her to be so angry and upset.

"Oh I'm overreacting? You show up here out of nowhere and tell me you love me even though you know I'm happy and getting married. What did you think I was going to do? Jump right back into your arms huh? Forget the last three years where you acted like I barely existed? Forget how I told you how much I loved you and needed you and then you looked at me told me I was suffocating you and walked out?!"

By now it's pitch black dark and the wind has picked up and the sky has opened up and small droplets of rain are slowly dripping down on us. Arizona is furious with me, she's literally shaking as she screams at me every mistake I have ever made and it rips my heart to pieces because maybe this is it. Maybe that moment we just had was our goodbye. Maybe our love really is so lost it can't be found.

"I was wrong OK. But so were you. You cheated on me Arizona! You broke my heart and yes I broke yours too. We both...made mistakes and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to see what was right in front of me but I love you. I'm in love with you and I always will be so I'm asking you a question this time and I want you to be honest with me. If you want me to walk away...then I'll go. I won't ever bother you again unless it's to do with Sofia, but I want to know one thing." I implore to her.

"I...Calliope...No." she protests but it's weak at best.

"Yes Arizona. Maybe you don't owe me anything...and I truly am sorry that turning up here has upset you. I never planned for this but indulge me one last time and no matter what the answer is...I-I'll walk away. I won't ever bother you again...I'll...I...I'll just be your ex wife, Sofia's mother." I say to her truthfully and I mean it. If she tells me she doesn't love me then I'll walk away but if there is any chance at all she loves me then I'm going to fight for her even if she doesn't want me too.

The rain is really pouring now and I'm soaked through to the skin, the white shirt Arizona is wearing is drenched and while this isn't the time it's hard not to blush when I look at her figure, top stuck to her gorgeous body, see through, her hair loose and wet, her eyes wide and alert, teary but intense. Her beautiful face full of emotion.

"F-fine, just...ask me." she stutters whether from the cold or nerves I'm not sure.

"Arizona...Are you still in love with me?"

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 **Arizona's POV**

Rain pours down on us as we stand in the dark and deserted street, Callie's question hanging between us, her big brown beautiful eyes wide and open, love and hope pouring out of them like the rain pelting down on us. She's the only person ever to make me feel so out of control, in all my years and all the woman I've been with there is no-one that effects me like she does. I don't know what I was hoping for tonight. The truth? A reason to justify my own wavering feelings...an escape? A reason not to marry Kim? A reason to marry her? I'm not sure, maybe all it. I've been happy, I've got a woman who loves me and wants to spend her life with me and right up until lately I wanted the same thing, maybe I wasn't fully committed. Maybe getting married to someone that isn't Callie scared me at first but I know I could have a good life with Kim.

Callie coming back has made me question that, it's made me question everything and I'm furious with her but the person I'm really angry at is myself. After all this time, all the years and heartache and break up's I'm still desperately in love with her. It only takes one look into her eyes, it only takes me hearing that she still loves me to know I never stopped - and that makes me so angry with myself because she broke my heart. I know I broke her's first but we moved on and we were going to make a family then one day she snatched it all away from me. I realized that she was my anchor, she was what I needed and she told me I was suffocating her. She made love to me for hours the night before and I felt every crack in my heart glue itself back together then she walked out of my life the next day like the night before meant nothing and I felt broken beyond repair. I felt small and insecure and I had never felt that way before, not even when I lost my leg but what Callie did then, I truly for the first time felt like nothing.

It's been three years since that day in Therapy and it took me years to heal myself, to realize that I am enough and meeting Kim and loving her has been a huge part of that and I love her. She's beautiful and kind, compassionate and loyal and a life with her would be great. But I know now that I also love Callie. And a life with her...would be amazing, it would be full of passion and fire, but also a life full of uncertainty because, I don't trust her. I can't trust her with my heart anymore. I do love her, I'm in love with her but I can't trust her not to hurt me again and I know I would never survive losing her and I couldn't do that to Sofia. I trust Kim with my heart. I am enough for her, she's never made me feel anything less and I know she won't hurt me. Calliope on the other hand, she has the power to break me. I barely made it last time, I wouldn't if it happened again.

I don't trust Callie and that is what it comes down to. I can't trust her with my heart but I can trust Kim.

"I do love you Calliope...god I always have and I wish I didn't...b-because I have a woman at home who loves me a-and this isn't fair on her..." I start and Callie steps forward before I can finish but I counter her step forward with a step back, the rain is obscuring my vision slightly and I'm actually grateful for it because it hides the tears that I've finally released.

"Arizona, if you love me and I love you then nothing else matters" Callie say's to me as she smiles brightly and even with all the rain her smile still lights up around us but this time it doesn't soothe me, it doesn't make me smile it only makes me hurt.

"No Callie, Stop! Everything else does matter!"

"W-what do you mean...Arizona you still love me, I love you, what else matters?" she asks me as she approaches me.

I don't step back, in fact I step forward and take her hands within mine.

"Arizona..." she breathes as she leans her forehead against mine.

Everything in my body screams at me to kiss her again, when I'm with her like this I feel out of control but I feel alive and I feel like I could do anything. Calliope has always made me feel every emotion, even the one's I don't want to feel, she makes me want to fight against myself. She wants me make everything but I can't...I just can't put myself out there again because my heart isn't safe with her.

"Callie...Calliope...I meant what I said the night I came to your place. We had our chance and we got it wrong." I whisper to her.

I feel her shaking her head against me and she tightens her grip on my hands, "We can have another chance Arizona. That's all I want is one more chance, please baby." she implores.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Callie but I can't...and I need you to let me go please Callie." I beg her and by now we're both sobbing and I feel her heart breaking right along with mine.

"No Arizona, d-don't say that, please." she begs me as she leans in and starts kissing my face, anywhere she can reach, it's desperate and it's killing me.

I grab her face within my cold shaking hands and I lean in carefully looking into her eyes, I place a kiss on her lips, softly this time, no tongue, no open mouth's I just place my lips on hers and hold her to me for as long as I can. Finally when I can no longer breathe I pull back but not before whispering, "It's over Callie. Please let me go. I-I'm getting married and I need you to let me live my life without you in it. I'm so sorry."

And then I'm gone. I turn my back on her and my past.

The earth shattering sob she lets out cuts me to the core but she doesn't follow me, she doesn't call out to me but I can feel her pain, it's in every inch of my body, every bone, everywhere because her pain is my pain but I've made my choice. I will always love Callie but I can't trust her anymore. I can't risk being broken again I would never survive. Our story is over, it was written in the stars along time ago, re-written more than once and we still ended up hurting each other, it's just too...late. I barely make it to my car before I break down. Heaving sobs leaving my trembling body. My hands are shaking so hard it takes me three attempts to put the key in the ignition. Finally the car going I pull out and head towards home.

She's still there, just standing on the sidewalk, the rain more heavier than ever pouring down on her. She looks so small just standing there...I force myself to drive past her and it kills the last bit inside me as I do. I put my foot down on the accelerator to put some distance between us but no matter how far I get down the road I know the vision of her standing there alone, and broken in the street will forever be etched into my heart.

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 **There it is folks! I hope everyone survived! Sorry Arizona's POV was so short in comparison to Callie's but didn't think we needed more. We know how she feels and where she stands. Remember this isn't the end! Let me know what you all think!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi ya'll! I'm absolutely blown away by the amount of reviews and support I have gotten for this story. Thank you so much, to everybody including the guest reviews. There's been a little reasonably healthy debate on various things on the review page, please keep your reviews to the story only. It doesn't matter if I'm an Arizona fan or a Callie fan. This is a MADE UP story. And for those who hate it so much or think I'm shit or biased...clearly you're reading the story LOL. Reading enough to comment about the content. It's rather...ridiculous. But to those who have taken the time to read and are getting invested thank you!**

 **Now...I get the feeling this chapter might bring some mixed reactions but give it a chance guys! This is a Calzona Fic, it isn't an Arizona/OC Fic, and TBH, Kim has barely featured in the story. I think some people who have the tendency to troll the story forget a few important things. Callie fell in love with Penny! Callie broke up with Arizona not over the cheating...which happened technically nearly 4-5 years ago Canon. Callie moved away to New York because she wanted a life with Penny not Arizona. I'm not saying Callie is the bad guy but Arizona isn't either and I won't be made to feel guilty because I won't punish Arizona for something she did years ago that has no bearing on what Callie did after. This is my story and I'll write it how I want too!**

 **Right now that rant is over, please give this chapter a chance, this is a Calzona Fic, and while the start of the chapter might not be to some people's liking, I think you'll like how it ends. I have a plan, one that hopefully everyone will like!**

 **By the way this chapter is twice the length of any other chapter I've written! No Beta...blah blah, Shonda owns everything blah blah**

 **Right now onto the story! Enjoy peoples!**

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 **Chapter 7**

 **There's no place like home and no-one like you**

* * *

 **Arizona's POV**

Rain's pouring down from the sky, the wind is howling and she's standing there, lost and crying. I try to reach out to her but no matter how far I reach it's not enough. She's calling my name... _Arizona...Arizona...Arizona_...I need to get to her but I can't...she's just there screaming my name and my heart is ripping over and over with each breach of her lips, the darkness it's taking her... _Arizona...Arizona...Arizona_...

"Arizona...Arizona...wake up, babe, it's only a dream, wake up..."

"What...H-huh...what's going on? I-I...I need to help her..."

"Baby, it's just a dream, come here." I feel arms wrap around me and pull me in. My body is shaking and I'm drenched in sweat. My heart rate is through the roof and I feel disorientated.

"I'm fine, I'm good." I tell Kim who is holding me close and looking really concerned.

"Arizona babe, talk to me. You've not been yourself since...you spoke to Callie the other night. I wish you would talk to me." Kim say's to me.

It's been her mantra since I arrived back to the house soaked, shaking and silent the other night after my encounter with Callie. I refused to tell her what happened instead locking myself in my room for the evening. It's been a few day's since then and I've completely shut her out and I feel terrible about it. There's no way though that I can tell her what happened with Callie. She's been persistent in trying to find out what happened and the tension around the house has been awful but I can't bring myself to admit my true feelings. I was supposed to be back at work a couple day's ago but I called in sick instead, not being able to face Callie. I had Meredith pick up Sofia and drop her back to Callie as well. I thought that finding out the truth from Callie might make things easier for me but it hasn't.

Since the first time I laid eyes on my ex wife I knew she was meant to be something to me. I've loved her for as long as I can remember. Even during our worst times, even when I hated her for making the decision to take my leg, even when I jumped into bed with Lauren, even when she walked out of Therapy - I've loved her forever even when I haven't wanted too. The problem is I thought she didn't love me. She made it clear she didn't miss me enough. Then she met Penny and even though years have passed my love for her was still present but I learned to put it aside. She was happy and moving on so while I still loved and wanted her I knew she didn't feel the same way and I learned to live with that. Then I met Kim and I didn't have to live with it anymore because I had someone else. Kim's love healed what Callie broke but there was always a flame, or what I now can admit a burning furnace somewhere inside.

When Callie was in New York it was easy to ignore my feelings, I had no problem admitting to myself that I still felt something for her but I never let myself linger too long on my feelings where she was concerned. She was living her life and I was living mine. She was happy and I was happy and in the end that was all that mattered to me. I really meant what I said to her when she left to New York. I wanted her to be happy and I wasn't the person that could do that for her so the second best option was to let someone else.

But now she's back and she's telling me everything I wanted to hear for so long, everything I needed to know when she was still around but everything has changed now. I've changed, she's changed. I don't know how we could ever go back to...us. Too much has happened, too much has been said and none of it can be taken back. Then there's Kim, the woman who I'm marrying in two weeks time. If I admit to her that I still love Callie, I'm going to destroy her and it will break my heart because I do love her...but I love Callie too. I just want to lock myself away and never come out. I've no idea what to do, how to feel, how I'm supposed to keep on going when I'm such a mess.

"I've told you there's nothing to talk about, I wish you would stop asking." I snap at Kim, immediately feeling bad once her face drops and her arms slip away from holding me.

"Yeah so you keep saying Arizona. You turn back up home the other night, drenched to the bone, furious as hell, put Sofia to bed and don't say two words to me. You've called into work sick for the last two day's when we both know perfectly well that you aren't sick. You have barely uttered one word to me and you haven't as much touched me or even kissed me." she tells me in a matter of a fact tone. And of course she's spot on. But what choice do I have? If I open up to her, I'll hurt her and potentially lose her and I don't want to lose her but I know I can't keep on going like this. It's not fair to either of us.

"I'm sorry. I know I've been distant but everything is going to be fine I promise. I've just been feeling stressed lately is all, I'm sorry I've been taking it out on you." I tell her hoping to placate her just for now. It's 3am in the morning, I'm exhausted and stressed and just want to sleep. I've got to be up in a few hours for work. I can't take anymore time off when I'm not actually sick. But going back to work means facing Callie, something I'm not ready to do at all. I just want her...gone. I don't think I can actually be in the same room with her without wanting to yell at her or hug her.

"Stop lying to me Arizona. Tell me what happened? Everything is not fine and faking it till you make it isn't going to cut it this time!" she persists at me.

Throwing the covers off I get up quickly and leave the room with Kim on my heels. "Go back to bed Kim, I'm not doing this with you now. I told you everything is fine." I just keep on lying and with each lie that comes out of my mouth my heart feels heavier and my stomach drops even further.

"No I'm not going to ignore this any longer Arizona, and I won't let you either." she snaps out at me.

I whirl around, feeling that familiar anger that's been so present lately resurface. "What does that mean exactly? You won't let me..what?" I demand of her.

"Hide anymore Arizona, not talk to me. We're getting married in two weeks and with the way you're acting lately, it's like you'd rather get a root canal in the middle of fucking Guam instead." she yells at me.

"Just leave it alone Kim, you're being ridiculous. You're overreacting!" I scream back at her.

I can't believe this, it's 3 a.m and we're standing in the middle of our living room screaming at each other. This has never been us. We've barely argued in the time we've known each other but since the moment Callie arrived back our relationship has been crumbling around me. Everything I worked so hard for is slipping away from me and I can't save it and I don't even know if I want too.

"I'm being ridiculous? My perfectly valid concerns are ridiculous?" she questions me and it's not what she say's but the tone she say's it in. It's the look in her eyes of absolute disbelief, it's the hurt that I can feel radiating out at me that kicks me in the gut.

"I just don't know what you want me to say Kim. Nothing is wrong, I'm just tired." it's about the lamest excuse ever. I watch as Kim's shoulders sag and she lets out a tried sigh.

"Why are you doing this to me Arizona? I-I thought we loved one another. I thought we were solid. We've been so happy." she say's sadly and it's a stab to the heart again. God I'm such a bitch! I'm standing here hurting the woman I love and all because Callie came back, because I'm weak, because no matter how hard I try, no matter what I say I can't let my ex wife go.

"I do love you, and I have been happy. Please don't think you don't make me happy Kim because you have. I haven't meant to hurt you. Please believe me when I tell you that's the last thing I want to do, it's not you...it's me Kim, it's me." I tell her honestly as I approach her. I reach out for her hand and she willingly takes it as I lead her back to the room.

Sitting down on the bed I keep hold of her hand and lean in and wipe the tears that have fallen. Each tear a slap in the face to me. "Tell me what's going on in here", Kim gestures to my head as she grips my hand in hers.

"I-I'm a mess and I'm just dragging you down, I'm so sorry." I tell her but I know she won't settle for that.

"Arizona please talk to me. Tell me what happened the other night, please." she begs me.

I look up at her, her beautiful flawless face, her stunning green eyes. This is the face that helped me move on. This is the face that made me feel enough again, that made me feel like I wasn't worthless, that I was worthy of love.

Leaning in, I stroke her face softly and she gives me a shaky smile as she leans forward so we're forehead to forehead. "I love you and I don't want to lose you Arizona." she whispers to me, her breath ghosting across my lips. I swallow hard and take a breath to stop my own tears but it's useless. They come hard and fast and soon we're both sobbing, holding onto each other.

"Am I going to lose you Arizona? Is this it?" she asks me brokenly as she pulls back slightly so she can look me in the eyes.

"I-I don't know...I love you, that's all I know right now." I tell her honestly and it kills me when her face crumbles into devastation.

"Do you actually l-love me?" she breathes out quickly.

I grab her face between my hands and pull her roughly into me as I kiss her hard, pouring everything into it. I kiss her once, twice, three times trying to make her understand how I feel, trying to get her to see I do love her, I do but I'm torn. I'm in hell. Back when I was single and carefree, having two beautiful woman in love with me, I would have had some fun with that, I would have been flattered but now I'm in hell. It's the most awful, nerve-wrecking feeling, a constant pain in my stomach, my heart in tatters, torn between two amazing women.

"Of course I do baby, of course I do." I tell her when I pull back. She clings to me like I'm her lifeline but all I'm going to do is drown her. I thought she had fixed me, healed my heart after Callie but now it feels like it was nothing more than a band aid that was stuck over me, and now it's frayed and peeling at the edges and along with it my sanity as well.

"B-but you l-love her too right?" she bravely questions me as she pulls back putting some distance between us. I know she wants to see my face, she wants to see it in my eyes .

"I'm so sorry baby, I-I don't want too, I'm so angry at her for coming back and telling me...what she did, I really thought I was over her, god I'm sorry." I say to her desperately wanting her to know how truly sorry I really am.

I reach for her but she pulls back and it stings so much. "Please babe, come here." I beg her opening my arms. I really just want to comfort her right now and I need some support too. I never wanted this, it wasn't by choice, I would never have willingly hurt her, it's killing me to see her so upset. To look into her eyes and see the fear, to know she's wondering if this is the end for us, for her. Is her life going to look the same tomorrow? Her whole future she had planned for us up in the air now all because of me.

"I c-can't...I just can't Arizona. I need you to tell me what this means for us?" she say's to me. Her tears have dried up now and her face is resolute. She's taken a big breath and I can see her fighting with her emotions. This is the Lawyer in her, the take charge, straight to the point side of her.

"I don't know." I reply lamely as I look up at her.

"Are you getting back together with her?" straight to the point alright! She's gathering what she knows, wanting to find out where I'm at so she knows where she's at. I admire this in her, she's never been overly emotional only when she's really hurt which has been very rare in our relationship because I promised myself this time it would be different. I promised myself if I found someone as special as Kim that I would not break another person's heart yet here I am doing just that.

"No...No we're not...I-she...there's nothing going on between us, I swear." I tell her. I don't think there's any need to tell her I kissed her, that's only driving the knife in further.

Kim scoffs out loud and jumps up off the bed, "Nothing going on between you's? You just admitted you're still in love with your ex wife Arizona? I mean what do you want me to say here?

"I don't know Kim. I'm fucked up O.k! I'm a mess and I don't know what to do!" I tell her as I continue to sit on the bed. My head is pounding and I feel sick. All this stress is making me actually feel physically sick. I can't remember a time when I was in such turmoil.

"Then I'll do it for you, I'll leave." she snaps out at me before she turns to the wardrobe and grabs her suitcase out.

I jump up and rush over to her, "What? No! I don't want you to leave Kim. I love you."

She pushes my hand away and turns to her drawer where she opens it up and starts pulling out clothes and throwing them into the open case. "You love me? You love her Arizona!"

"I love you too though! I don't want to break up."

"You promised me Arizona! You said to me you were over her, you told me that there were no ghosts. God have you been lying to me this whole time? Just biding your time with me until she came back?" she yells at me as loses her temper and picks up the suitcase and throws it across the room.

Wide eyed I stare at her and shake my head, "No. No. Everything with you has been real, I swear." I tell her truthfully as I try to take hold of her hands. She tries to push me off and we struggle with one another.

"Get off me Arizona, just...don't touch me." she starts yelling but ends on a whimper as I finally manage to get my arms around her.

"I love you baby, please don't go...I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please." I beg her.

She collapses into my arms and we both stand there crying. I'm so lost right now and although I've admitted I love Callie, I love Kim too and I can't stand the thought of hurting her. I know what it's like to be not enough, I know what it's like to be left and I never wanted to do that to Kim. I still don't but I can't help how I feel about Callie and I don't think that's ever going to go away.

"What are we going to do?" she whispers to me.

"We're going to carry on as we are, we're going to get m-married because I love you and you love me and nothing else matters." I tell her and even as I utter those words I know I'm fooling myself.

"I love you so much Arizona, but you know we can't get married now. I want nothing more to make you my wife...but I can't marry you, not when you're not sure, not when you feel the way you do about her." she say's to me brokenly and my heart shatters.

"But I love you..." I cry as I wrap my arms even tighter around her, almost too tight.

"And I love you but...y-you love her too and I can't be second best."

"So you're breaking up with me?" I ask her as I pull back, devastation written all over my face and mirrored in hers too.

"I-I, no I'm not but I think we should take a break. I think you need to sort you head...and your heart out. I'll go stay at a hotel and give you some space and if you still...if you decide you want to be with me then you'll come and tell me and if n-not...if...it's her then...I guess it wasn't meant to be."

I swallow hard and nod my head because she's right, I do need time to sort my head and heart out. Not just for her but for myself too. I can't keep this up, every day for the past week I've been a mess and it's affecting everything and everyone around me.

"I'm really sorry, I never wanted to hurt you." I say to her again. I'm not sure what else to say to her except for how sorry I am.

"I know Arizona, I know you would never intentionally hurt me. I always knew...I mean I know you said you were over her but I always knew deep in my heart that she still held a place in yours. I had hoped over time that you would get over her...but I guess I was wrong but Arizona...I love you and I would never hurt you. I can make you happy. I can give us a wonderful life together and you'll always be enough for me. I want you to remember that when you're taking your time. I might be upset and angry but I'm not stupid and I will fight for you if you want me too and that starts by me telling you that you should pick me." she whispers to me as she approaches me.

I swallow thickly as she approaches me because I know that look in her eye, I know what that face means, I know what that tone means.

"Kim...I-I..."

"Sssh, just don't say anything...just let me touch you, let me remember you" she whispers seductively to me as she leans in and lightly kisses my neck, her hands start running up and down my arms leaving goosebumps in their trail.

This isn't the answer, in fact it will probably only make everything harder but I'm not thinking about that, I'm just letting myself feel anything other than what I have been for the last few days. It's not like I'm cheating, I'm not doing anything wrong and I just want to feel something else just for a little while so I don't say no when she smoothly lay's me down on our bed. I don't protest when she makes quick work of my clothes, I just let myself feel, I let myself drown in her and it's the easiest thing I've done in the past seven days.

"Please...touch me, make me feel." I beg my girlfriend...fiance...partner...ex? I don't know what she is to me right now technically but I really don't care, all I care about is the here and now. All I care about is feeling her inside me, making me feel loved, making me whole for a moment.

"Feel me baby, feel how much I want you." Kim moans as she takes me hard and fast.

I grunt out loud and arch my back as she thrusts into me, her mouth is on my breast and her fingers are buried deep inside me, pushing into me over and over again. I close my eyes and lose myself in the moment, thinking of nothing else but the pleasure she is bringing me, my heart doesn't come into this, this is pure physical release, a distraction, a welcomed one at that. I beg her to go harder, to give me more and she doesn't disappoint. My legs wrap around her waist keeping her from moving as she continues to push into me.

"I love you baby, I love you so much." she moans as I fight to get my hand inbetween us to return the pleasure she is giving me.

I block out her words though, close my eyes and just focus on feeling what we're doing. I don't want to hear any declarations, I don't want to feel any other emotions right now.

"Look at me baby..."

"Make me come..."

"Arizona open your eyes..."

"Please Kim...please..."

"Look at me..."

I can't, I don't want to, I can't handle what she's feeling right now and I know how selfish that is of me. I just want release, I just want to be thrown into that abyss where I'm everywhere and nowhere at once. Taking charge I hook my leg around her and flip myself over so I'm on top and I move fast and hard, up and down. I moan as I feel Kim's thumb brush against my hard clit, "Oh god...I'm going...I'm gonna..."

"Do it baby...come for me..." she moans as I bouce harder on the three fingers she has buried inside me.

There's no-one else, there's no complicated feelings, there's no Callie, it's just me as I fall over that edge, my body shakes and convulses and I can't control the moans that slip from my mouth, not bothering to quieten myself as I feel wave after wave of pleasure assault my body.

"Oh god, yes...yes...yes..." I chant as the pleasure feels like it's never ending, my body rocks back and forth determined to feel every bit of pleasure. My mind blank of everything else and for one small moment I'm free, there is no inbetween there is just me.

"I love you, god I love you Arizona so much." Kim's words pop my bubble as as my high leaves me I collapse to the side of her tears falling without my permission.

"Oh god, I'm sorry, I-I don't know what to do" I cry.

"Arizona?...What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Kim asks me worriedly as I lay there tears streaming down my face, I'm struggling to breath properly on the edge of hyperventilating. I have no idea what is going on. One second I was fine and now I'm laying here naked and bawling my eyes out. I think it's just all too much for me. Her feelings, my feelings, Callie's feelings. I thought having sex would make me feel better and it did for a moment but now that it's over it's like I'm feeling everything tenfold.

 _Callie standing in the rain crying, my lips on Callie's, Kim's devastated look when I admitted I still love Callie, Kim deciding to leave our home._

 _Callie_

 _Kim_

 _Callie_

 _Kim_

"I don't know...I just...I need to be alone and I'm so sorry." I tell her between sniffles trying to get myself under control. I don't want her to leave but I can't have her here. She's right, I need time to sort myself out and that means time on my own.

"It's Ok, it's not like I thought fucking your brains out was going to solve anything but it was fun while it lasted." she tries to joke but I can hear the strain in her voice. I sit up and wipe my tears although they continue to fall silently. Taking her face between my shaking hands I lean in and kiss her softly. Pulling back I look into her pained eyes.

"I'm so sorry Kim. Please believe me when I tell you I never meant for any of this to happen."

"I know baby, I know. I'm going to go. I'll text you the details of where I'm staying." she tells me trying to be brave.

I nod my head and let her go, I sit there silently as I watch her pack a bag of some clothes and toiletries. I feel like I should say anything but everytime I go to open my mouth nothing comes out. Ten minutes later her bag is hanging over her shoulder and she's standing by the front door. I've got my dressing gown wrapped around me as I stand with her hugging her.

"Kim, I..." I start but she cuts me off with a hard kiss. I gasp into her mouth and kiss her back gripping her to me. All too soon she pulls back stroking the hair out of my face, I smile sadly, because she used to do this to me all the time after a long day at work. I'd come home stressed and tired and she would just hold me and stroke my hair every time it fell over my eyes. I found it really comforting but now it's just bittersweet.

"I love you, don't forget that while you're doing your searching Arizona." she tells me.

Swallowing hard I lean in and kiss her cheek softly, "I won't I promise, and I love you too."

She nods her head and without saying anything turns and leaves.

With the closing of the door, I now feel more broken than I ever have before. My happy life is up in smoke and I'm no closer to knowing what or who I want. The emotion of the moment brings me to my knees and the tears that had briefly stopped come back harder and faster than before. I curl up into a ball and let myself cry, I don't stop until the sun comes up and even with the rays of the morning sun caressing my face the only thing I feel right now is darkness.

Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

 **Callie's POV**

"Hey Mer, Mer!" I call out to my fellow colleague as I rush down the hallway where I see her exiting an exam room.

"Hey Callie, what's up? Everything going well?" Meredith asks me politely.

"Seriously do you have to talk like that?" I ask her rolling my eyes.

"Like what Callie?" she replies back sarcasm lacing her voice.

"It's not like I left you Meredith. I didn't break your heart, I don't get why you're giving me such a hard time, I thought we were friends. Everytime I rung you, you spoke to me, why now are you being such a bitch!" I tell her not mincing my words.

I'm not scared of Meredith Grey, once upon a time I might have been but so much has happened since then. In fact before I left for New York we really bonded, I thought we had a great friendship but ever since I started back work two day's ago, she's been frosty and barely uttered a word to me and when she does it's like I'm just a colleague not someone she's known for years.

Scoffing she rolls her eyes at me, "Pot, kettle, black anyone?"

"Um Excuse you."

"You're excused. I gotta go, see you round Dr Torres." she say's before pushing past me.

"Uh no freaking way Grey!" I state as I grab her by the arm and pull her into the exam room she just exited.

"Get off me Callie!"

"Fine!" I say and I release her a little too harshly causing her to stumble back.

"What the hell?" she screams at me."

"Yeah exactly Mer, what the hell?" I retort back.

"What the hell is going on here!" the voice of Bailey breaks up our screaming match. We both turn to look at the chief who is standing there looking murderous at both of us. She might be shorter than us both but with her hands on her hips and her eyes blazing she's a sight to behold and we both shrink back a little.

Meredith is the first to answer, she brushes past me and points a finger back in my direction, "Why don't you ask Cagefighter Callie here. She manhandled me, throwing me in here!" she rages.

"Pffft, manhandled..." I mumble feeling a little ashamed of my actions now that both Meredith and Bailey are staring at me like a foreign object.

"What's going on Torres?" Bailey questions me.

I look at her, then to Meredith who's staring at me with daggers, shaking my head, I walk past both of my 'friends', "Nothing, nevermind. I'm sorry." I say dejectedly.

"No you're not going to do this Torres, get back in here before I manhandle you!" Bailey speaks out her voice brokering no room for an argument.

"Why? What's the point, no-one wants to hear anything I have to say." I say as I turn around.

"Sit, both of you." Bailey orders pointing to the empty seats.

Both of us not foolish enough to argue with the boss do as we're told. Once seated, Bailey pulls up a chair to face us. Looking at both of us she shakes her head and sighs. "I told you Torres I didn't want any drama if I took you back and two day's in and you're arguing with Grey like a little school girl." she says.

Shaking my head I throw my arms up in the air. "Well maybe if she wouldn't treat me like I was disease ridden I wouldn't have to act this way. What have I done that is so wrong? I know I fucked up but I didn't fuck up your guys life! You's are supposed to be my friends, my best friends. Instead you're treating me like I'm the enemy. You think I don't feel like shit? You think I don't hate myself for what I've done? But I didn't do anything to either of you and you guys are supposed to love me, you're supposed to forgive me. Why won't you's?" I say a few tears sneaking out.

"I don't know what you're waffling about Torres, I've got nothing against you." Bailey say's as though I'm stupid.

"Then why haven't you spoken to me?!" I say.

"Because you idiot I've been busy! With you back I've had extra paperwork, I'm trying to get your new contract sorted out, while keeping up to date with my surgical skills and running a hospital that's why! You've only been back two day's Torres I've not even seen you and it's not been on purpose!" she rants at me and suddenly I feel like an idiot.

"Well what about Meredith then?" I deflect as I swivel around to face the General surgeon.

Meredith stay's silent as she just stares at me. "Grey, answer the damm woman and tell her why you're being so cold for!" Bailey orders her.

"I'm sorry." Meredith say's

"You're sorry? I don't want you to be sorry Mer, I want to know what I've done wrong, I thought we were friends."

"You were supposed to go away and be happy Callie and I was happy for you even though it was with the woman that killed my husband. I got up on that stand and I testified on your behalf in the process hurting Arizona. She...She gave up her daughter and her happiness for you and then you just come back like nothing has changed. You hurt people Callie and it's just not Ok!" she say's to me rather rudely.

"Are you fucking serious right now Meredith? You of all people are lecturing me on making a mistake? Oh but of course it's O.k for the great Meredith Grey to fuck up but not me? And since you brought it up, I never forced you to testify for me. I asked you and you said you were happy to do it. I know I hurt Arizona but you know what...that's not your god damn business." I shout at her. The bloody cheek of her! Who does she think she is?

"Not my business? It is my business when my friend hasn't come into work for two day's because she's avoiding you. It is my business when my friend who has been so happy for the past year looked like she was broken when she dropped your daughter off the other day!" she yells back.

By now we're both worked up, me because I can't believe the way Meredith is acting. Since when did she become the Arizona defender? Meredith and Arizona barely had anything to do with each other when I was around and now all of a sudden she is fighting her battles?

"When did you and Arizona become best buddies?" I question her trying to calm myself down. Screaming at Meredith Grey really won't do me any favors. I might not be scared of her but she still holds the most influence in the hospital and I really can't be bothered dealing with everyone turning on me because Meredith tells them too.

"Things changed Callie when you left. I made amends with Arizona and we got to know each other, I realized that...I was wrong to testify for you." she tells me and I feel myself completely deflate. Does she really hate me this much? All because I left? She's acting as though I hurt her personally.

"Gee thanks. You know what? Just forget it. It's a big hospital, plenty of places to hide. I'll stay out of your way if you stay out of mine." I say to her. Screw this! I don't have to defend myself especially not to Meredith Grey of all people, I don't care how popular she is.

"No wait Callie." she calls out to me as I attempt to storm out.

"Why? What's the point? You've made yourself perfectly clear. You're on Arizona's side. I'm the big bad bitch who came back and ruined everything. Just freaking fantastic!" I grumble.

"I don't think that Ok, I'm sorry. I just...I meant that I should never have testified for you because it wasn't right Callie. I don't hold anything against you for leaving. I'm angry at myself and yes I'm protective of Arizona. It's been a year Callie and things have changed." she say's to me and I can tell she's calmed down now. I turn back around to her and look at her hoping she'll continue because at this stage I really don't have anything more to say.

"I love Zola more than anything, but no more than Bailey or Ellis and certainly no less. If someone ever tried to tell me I wasn't Zola's mother...well I'd kill them. I didn't think about it at the time, I should have. I had no right getting up there supporting you when it meant that I was telling Arizona she wasn't Sofia's mother not when I'm not biologically related to my own daughter. When she decided to let Sofia go with you...I realized just how much she must have loved you to make the sacrifice she made. We...bonded. I apologized, and we became good friends. It's been a year Callie and things have changed. Arizona healed and she's getting married and before you came back she asked me to be a bridesmaid but then when I go to pick up Sofia the other day she looked...devastated. She looked like she hadn't eaten or slept in day's. I'm sorry I've been a bitch and I do love you, you are my friend but so is Arizona and I just...I don't want to see her hurt again but it seems that you coming back has done just that." she finishes and I don't know what to say to that because she's right.

I'm never going to forgive myself for what happened in that courtroom. The things I let my lawyer say were...dispicable and just not true. I hurt Arizona and clearly my friends too, even though I never forced them too I inadvertedly hurt them and I feel terrible. But that's the thing I do feel terrible, more than terrible but I made a mistake, one I will never forgive myself for, I don't need my so called friends punishing me for it too, I'm doing a fine job of that myself. I was a little suprised to hear how close Arizona and her have become, they never really interacted when I was still in Seattle but then again I'm not suprised on the other hand. It's one of the things I missed so much about this place. The people, how they make you family. Of course they rallied around Arizona. Of course they formed a bond. They spent their time becoming close while I started losing ties with everyone.

"I'm sorry, I truly am and I didn't intend to come back and hurt Arizona. I get you're protective Mer but what is happening which isn't much of anything is between her and I. I'm not going to hurt her deliberately, that's the last thing I want." I tell my old friend.

Nodding her head, Meredith reaches out a hand to me and I take it quickly. "I know Callie and I'm sorry for being such a bitch, you haven't deserved that. I'm really happy you're back...honestly, just please try to make things right with Arizona. She's been so happy Callie and I know you probably don't want to hear this but Kim...she's perfect for Arizona. They make a great couple." she say's carefully.

It pains me to hear her words and I swallow hard, "I love her Mer." I say.

"I know but...its too late Callie, you need to let her go. Set her free and let her be happy." she say's to me.

"When did you get so wise?" I laugh. "I thought you'd be all for true love finding one another again." I question her.

"I am, believe me but...it's been so long Callie. How many chances have you guys had and still fucked up? Don't you think it's time to move on once and for all. I understand it didn't work out with Penny but just because you couldn't make it work doesn't mean Arizona shouldn't get the chance. I want you's both to be happy and from the brief glimpse I've had of both of you, you are both miserable. Talk to her, apologize and make it right." she say's as she stands up.

"Right now that we're done with the mushy stuff, I suggest you both actually go and get some work done, I'm not paying you's to stand around and have heart to hearts." Bailey say's as she stands up straightening her clothes and heading out the door.

"Why don't we catch up tonight for a drink? Bring Sofia to mine and I'll get Maggie to watch the kids." Meredith suggests.

"Sounds great, I'll meet you there at 7?"

Meredith smiles and nods her head. She quickly leaves the exam room leaving me to my own thoughts. Two day's in and I'm exhausted. A lot of it's been paperwork, I've not had the chance to cut yet because the current temporarily HOD has seniority so I've just watched a few surgeries while familiarizing myself with everything and everyone but I'm getting that itch that only a surgeon can get.

I've been trying to keep busy, keep my mind of Arizona but she's never too far from my mind. In fact she's all I've really thought about when I've had a moment to myself. I noticed she hasn't come into work the last two day's and I know it's because of me but it's not my place to interfere. I don't think she would welcome a phone call from me at this stage. She made it pretty clear how she felt the other night...she loves me but she doesn't want to be with me. She told me not to fight for her. Where do I go from there? If I persist I risk pissing her off and pushing her further away and that's the last thing I want. Hearing Meredith tell me Arizona looked broken makes me feel like crying. I never thought this would happen. I thought my feelings were gone, I thought we were over but then I realized I still did love her and our...encounter the other night tells me we're far from over even if Arizona doesn't want to admit it. She might be angry at me, she might not want to see me, but she does love me and that has to mean something.

It's been two day's since we declared our love and screamed at each other in the middle of the street. I had expected her to contact me when it was time to get Sofia but instead Meredith contacted me. That's when the frosty behavior started but I was too wrapped up in my own heartache to put much thought into her cold behavior. I came to work hoping I would catch a glimpse of her, maybe try talk to her again but she didn't come in, same as yesterday and so far I've not seen her today either. I don't want to drive her out of the hospital, the place she's made her home especially when I chose to leave but I need this job. I need to be here. Sofia's been asking where her Mama is and I've had to lie to her, and I hate lying to my daughter. She's got her mother back and I'm driving them apart.

I need to talk to her, I need to sort this out. Sofia needs her mother in her life, she needs two happy mothers. Maybe I was right the other night in the park, maybe I do need to let her go. Maybe we have used all our chances. Either way I still need to make this right. I didn't come back to make her unhappy, I came back because I was unhappy it doesn't mean I need to spread it around. If letting her go will make things right then that's what I'll do.

Leaving the exam room I pull out my phone, quickly pulling up Arizona's number I hesitate briefly before pushing the call button.

"Huh" I mumble as I hear a phone ringing close by. Moving a little quicker I keep the phone to my ear and sure enough the ringing gets louder. Moving around the corner I stop still when the woman of my thoughts is standing there talking to Bailey. She's in her street clothes and from behind looks absolutely fantastic. I observe as she looks at her phone then puts in her back pocket. Taking a deep breath I approach the nurses station and clear my throat.

Arizona stiffens immediately and my stomach drops. Once upon a time my presence would have got me a smile and a kiss, possibly a cheeky slap to the ass but now it seems the only thing my presence brings is misery.

"Thanks Bailey, I'm really grateful for this, I know I'm leaving you in the lurch." I listen to Arizona's conversation with Bailey and I scrunch my forehead. It sounds almost as though she's...leaving.

"Don't apologize. Take all the time you need. Take care Robbins and ring me if you need anything, I mean it." Bailey replies to my ex wife before patting her on the shoulder and walking away but not before giving me a warning look.

I hold my breath as Arizona turns around to face me. Sure enough tension is etched in every line on her beautiful face and while she still looks stunning to me, Meredith was right. She also looks terrible. Big black bags under her eyes. That light that used to be there, gone and replaced with a dullness I've only ever seen in her darkest times. She even looks like she's lost weight since I saw her last.

Before I can speak Arizona gets there first. "Callie I'm not going to do this." she says.

"Arizona please we need to talk...uh...about Sofia, she's been asking after you." I change tactics.

"Don't. Do not use my daughter like that Callie. " she swiftly replies.

Hanging my head I take a breath, "Sorry, sorry. It's true though she is asking about you. She misses you Arizona and...so do I." I say before I can stop myself.

Grabbing my arm she pulls me around the corner and into an empty on call room. Despite the tension, despite the anger I can feel radiating from the blonde I can't help the swoop in my stomach at her touch, the flush on my face as I remember the last time she pulled me into the on call room, even though it was years ago I remember every detail vividly.

Closing the door behind us I turn and look at the woman pacing in front of me. "Callie...I can't do this...whatever this is." she say's waving her hand between us. "I love Sofia and I'm so so happy she's back but I-I'm leaving."

My heart plummets, she's leaving? No.

"What? No Arizona, please, you don't have to go, don't do this, you'll kill Sofia, she can't lose you again. I'll leave you alone I promise, I'll back off I swear but please just don't go." I plead with her.

The thought of her leaving kills me, it will destroy our little girl and even if nothing can happen with us I can't lose her again. I couldn't live without her for a year there's no way I can survive without her in my life in some way.

"Stop...just please stop. I'm not leaving for good, I'm just...taking some time. I need to be on my own. I'm a mess Callie, you...you fucked everything up! My...K-Kim and I...everything. I just need to get away for a while." she say's to me and she's crying again and then I'm crying because her pain is my pain. All I've done since I got back is cause her heartache.

"Please don't let me drive you away, I mean it Zona, I'll back off. You don't need to leave because of me."

"It's not just you Callie, it's me! I've fucked everything up. I've hurt Kim, I'm hurting you, I'm hurting Sofia by not being able to be there for her. I just need to get away for a while." she persists.

She hurt Kim...did she tell her about us? My heart leaps a little, I shouldn't be happy but did she just hand me a bit of hope?

"Did you and...did you's two break up?" I ask cautiously.

"That's none of your business Callie." She replies coldly.

Placing my hands up in between us I take a step back, "OK sorry, sorry, I know it's not any of my business but it kind of is because I love you and I know you don't want to hear it but it's true Arizona and if you're questioning you're relationship...then that means something right." I say and I can't help the tiny bit of hope inside me blooming into more. I don't want to get ahead of myself and I don't take pleasure in other people being hurt but I love this woman and I want nothing more to have another chance with her and if there is any chance at all that she might give it to me I'm going to fight tooth and nail for it.

I actually expect her to yell at me and I can take that, I can take anything right now because I have hope. She might not admit it to me but there's hope and it lightens everything inside me. What she does next throws me complete off balance figuratively.

"The wedding is off...and I know you love me and...y-you know how I feel about you but it's not as simple as that. Please don't think...that we...that I... this isn't me giving us a green light. I'm still so angry at you and there is so much...history. Callie, I love Kim, she wasn't just a passing fling, I love her but I love you too and it's fucking me up. I'm fucked up now and I need to go and sort my head out so please let me do that."

I'm absolutely floored, I never expected her to be so honest. I thought she was going to tell me to fuck off. I didn't expect to hear those words out of her mouth.

"Wait, OK. I'll give you time but tell me what you mean though, I need to know Zona." I say to her desperately as I step into her personal space. She tenses momentarily but surprises me again when she takes a step forward and reaches out to take my face in between her hands.

"I'm saying...that I love you. I'm saying that I need time to know what that means for me...if it means anything." she say's before slowly leaning in and kissing me on the cheek. "I'm going to go talk to Sofia, then I'm leaving, please don't ring me Callie, please just let me be and I'll contact you when I'm back." she finishes and before I have time to reply she's out the door.

I move my hand to my cheek and I can't stop the smile that stretches across my face. Seven days ago I thought I'd never be happy again, two day's ago that was reiterated as I poured my heart out to her and she shut me down. Telling me she loved me but couldn't be with me killed me and now there's hope...maybe, just maybe I have a fighting chance to get the future that I so desperately want

All I have to do is wait...

 **Llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

 **That's it folks! Hit that button and let me hear what ya'll all think!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi everyone! Thanks again for the reviews for the last chapter. This one is another long one...and...it's building up to the final chapter too. I wasn't sure how long this story would be but it's kind of just written itself. I can't say for sure how many chapter are left...I do have a few ideas for some extra stuff but I'm not sure at this stage. It might be two chapters, it might be one or it could be five but this certainly is the chapter that sets the course to finish the story.**

 **So read, enjoy and review, let me know what you all think, I kinda can't wait to hear some of the responses and remember though...it's just a story, it's just made up!**

 **I own nothing, no beta...blah blah**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

 **There's no place like home and no-one like you**

* * *

 **Arizona's POV**

The sun kisses my face as the water licks at my ankles, the barely there breeze tickles my face as I look out at the horizon. Pinks, oranges and blues dot the sky as the clouds start to hide the sun that has been warming me all afternoon. Not a noise around me, my own thoughts my only company the last three days. A glass of white wine in my hand, nearly emptied while my phone sits beside me.

The scenery, the quietness has been a welcomed distraction over the last three days. Ever since Callie arrived back in my life, everything has been chaotic, I've not had a moments peace, my thoughts tormenting me every second of every day. The tears that have been shed and the heartache dished out, the lies and pain, it's all been so overwhelming. Here though, with no Kim, no Callie and just time to myself I've really been able to think and find some inner peace.

When I decided to leave three day's ago, I had no destination in mind I just packed a bag and started driving and after two hours I ended up at a beautiful bed and breakfast, the only guest here, the same bed and breakfast that years ago I was on my way to when a truck came out of nowhere and nearly killed Callie. I don't know if it was coincidence that brought me here, the place where I was supposed to spend a loving weekend with my pregnant girlfriend but being here I've actually been able to think of my ex wife fondly. The few interactions I've had with her recently fraught with tears and anger dotted with a few moments of love but here at this place I've allowed myself to remember the good times, I've allowed myself to remember the love that we once shared. But along with that love I've also remembered the bad times, the times where I thought I would die without her, the times where I hated her, the times where she looked at me like she didn't know me. I've let myself feel every emotion and I've cried and laughed to myself. It's been refreshing yet it still hasn't brought me to a decision.

While I've thought of Callie and our history I've thought of Kim. Our history so much shorter than Callie and I, our love maybe not as passionate but still just as genuine. I've only had good times to reminisce when it comes to Kim. Not as many good times as with Callie but no where near the amount of bad times.

Kim text me after two days, just to ask how I was, no pressure if I had made a decision, she simply wanted to see if I was OK. I responded telling her I was and that I was feeling better and would get in touch once I was back in town. No word from Callie which to be honest I'm surprised. Callie isn't someone that sits back quietly when she wants something, she normally goes in gloves and all ready to take what she wants. I'm not sure how I feel about it to be honest, on one hand I'm glad because being around her I can't think, but on the other hand all I've ever wanted since I've known Callie is for her to fight for me. I always have felt that during our relationship I was chasing her, I always wanted her love, I wanted her to want me and not always did I feel like she did and that is part of the issue I'm having now when it comes to making my decision.

From the day I knew that I was in love with Callie, all I wanted was for her to want and need me. I know I wasn't perfect, far from it and I committed the one act that you can't take back, no matter what. But it takes two to get to a place in a relationship where that happened. I'm not blaming Callie at all, not for me actually making the decision to cheat but I also don't think she was innocent in the events that led to that. I was struggling, I wasn't myself, I hated my life and myself and Callie didn't see me, she just wanted to fix me, she wanted the Arizona back from before but I was gone, and I was spiraling out of control. I had lost my leg, my friends and Nick and I was walking around in a foreign body that didn't feel like mine and I just wanted to take control back of my life. I wanted to be the wife Callie wanted, I wanted to be the mother Sofia deserved but instead I slept with Lauren, I made the first decision that I was allowed to make myself in a year and it was the wrong decision. The worst one I have ever made but at the time all I saw was myself taking control. But it wasn't taking control it was losing control. I was self destructing and I took my family along with me.

Even when Callie asked me back home I knew she would never be able to truly forgive me and we struggled, it was so hard but the more I was with her the more I wanted it to work. I had fucked up big time but I was finally starting to feel like myself. I wasn't the same Arizona as before but I was starting to like the new version of me but the holes were still there and with passing day they were fraying more and more. Then Callie wanted a baby and so did I but I wanted more, my new life wasn't complete, I wanted more for myself so I chose to do a fellowship and it ended up being the downfall of my marriage.

I never wanted us to end and therapy was a last resort for us. I knew Callie didn't want to do the exercise our therapist set but I really thought it would help us. I missed Callie so much every day that we couldn't talk, I wanted to reach out and touch her, I wanted to whisper to her how much I loved her but I didn't...and maybe she thought I didn't love her but then...we made love, for hours and hours. We didn't talk, we just touched and took each other to the stars and back over and over and the next day I knew without a doubt what I had always known even in our darkest days that she was my anchor, she was what I wanted and needed forever. The possibility didn't even cross my mind that she didn't feel the same. The night before when we made love I felt her love, she touched me how she used to before all the holes appeared and she held me as we fell asleep so when the next day came and she said what she did...I was shocked, my whole life shattered before my eyes and she walked out leaving me half the woman I was when I went in.

The day's and months passed and every day was a struggle to get out of bed, every day I struggled to work, to smile at my daughter and every day I wished I could hold her again, kiss her again, make her mine again. When she told me a couple months after that she missed me but not enough it was another knife to my heart. I had always felt like I was not enough for Callie, always chasing her, always apologizing, always conceding and despite feeling like that I still loved her more than life. Every night on my own I would cry, I would struggle to breath then before I knew it, it had been a year then two and then Callie met Penny and it was like she was leaving me all over again.

I realized then that I needed to move on, I was watching Callie and she was smiling and making a life for herself and Sofia was happy and I was stuck. I knew I had lost her, each time I saw her she was happier than the last and then when she stayed with Penny after the whole Meredith/Derek/Penny debacle I knew she was falling in love because she fought for her, something I felt she never did for me. There was always Mark or her friends or Mark or work or Mark that got in the way of her making me her first priority. I didn't just want her love, I didn't just want to be a body at the end of the night I wanted her to need me, to want me because she couldn't be without me, I wanted her to want me the same as I wanted her but I don't know if I ever measured up quite to what she wanted.

But she did want Penny, she chose her and she stayed with her and was falling in love with her and with that the love that we had was gone. Nearly three years on and I was still in love with her but she was over me. So I put myself out there, maybe more than I should but Callie was moving on and I was gaining some confidence and having fun. I was happy for her in the end because seeing her smile, seeing her so enthusiastic every day I knew she was happy and in the end that's all I wanted. I couldn't give it to her, as much as I wanted too but I loved her enough to be happy that she was being loved. Having her in my life as a co-parent and friend was all I got and I made peace with it. Then she wanted to leave, she wanted to take Sofia and leave and all over again I was destroyed and not just because my daughter would be in New York but because it meant Callie would finally be gone for my life forever. It was a concept I had never considered even three years on she was there every day but her leaving would mean I would never see her again.

I won and it broke Callie, the light in her eyes was gone, she looked like she wasn't sleeping and eating, she looked heartbroken and I still loved her so I made the decision to let her be happy. I let her go and it damn near broke me. The fog was suffocating but then Kim came along and saved me, she pulled me up and she made me smile again, she made me believe in happiness again. I had my memories of Callie and only allowed them out very rarely, I opened my heart and made enough room for Kim. I've loved her and she's loved me, she's taken care of me, she's never made feel like I'm not enough, and I've never had to fight to be wanted. She's always made it clear that I'm everything to her. Yet Callie came back and despite my harsh reaction everything I had hidden, everything I had done to move on, blew up in my face. My love for her is just as strong as it always has been.

So now I have a decision to make, I tried to deny it, tried to pretend I could just stay with Kim and carry on the life I had been living but that hasn't worked out. I was so angry at myself for feeling the way I have been but in the days I've been here I've come to find peace. I can't help the way I feel, I shouldn't be angry at myself, I need to be brave instead.

Do I choose the woman who has loved me unconditionally, who picked me up when I thought I would never love again, who has made me feel safe, beautiful and content. Who I know I could be happy with. Or do I choose the woman who has broken my heart more than once, who sometimes makes me so angry I could tear the world down but also makes my heart jump out of my chest. The woman who touches me and I turn to jelly, the woman who I have always wanted to want me.

The sky has darkened now, the sun gone long ago, my wine drained. The breeze is now a stronger wind and I shiver as I stand up. It's my heart versus my head because as much as I love Kim my heart tells me to choose Callie. I think my heart will always choose Callie, she's ingrained in me but my head tells me to choose Kim. I can have an uncomplicated happy life with her, if I choose Callie it will be fraught with uncertainty because I never know where we're going to take each other day to day and I can't live like that. I need stability, I need to know I'm going to have a home to come too forever. I need to know I'm going to have someone that is going to hold my hand when I get sick or old. I need to know that I'm going to be enough and I just don't know if I can trust my heart with Callie again, I know I can trust Kim with it though.

Sighing I shake my head and pull my loose cardigan tighter around me, looking up at the sky I stare at it intently hoping the stars now twinkling might give me some answers but they don't. Turning around I start to make my way back up the bank towards the main house when something catches my eye. It's dark so it's hard to make out so I walk a little faster and then my heart nearly leaps out of my chest because standing there lit up by the light of the bed and breakfast is the woman who has been haunting my dreams and occupying my thoughts.

"W-what are you doing here? How did you find me?" I ask quietly as I get within a few meters of her. My voice carries through the night.

Looking sheepish she shrugs her shoulders, "I just...I honestly don't know, I took a chance and it led me here."

"But why? I told you I needed time, I said I'd contact you when I got back." I say feeling a little pissed off because this is what she always has done, she never listens to me!

"I know and I'm sorry...actually no I'm not sorry Arizona. I mean I'm sorry you're pissed off but..." she starts but I cut her off feeling my heart rate spike.

"You never listen! I'm sitting here literally thinking about how you never listened to me and then here you are when I asked you not to follow me, to leave me alone! God Callie!" I shout.

"You're right, I don't listen enough to you, I never have and there's something else I've never done for you either." she say's.

My heart is racing because she's here, she actually came after me. I'm pissed off but I'm excited too. I'm scared but I'm hopeful because normally my head win's, my heart having taken so much punishment over the years that it normally doesn't win out but now it's pounding and it's not hurting because Callie is here and she's looking at me with all the love in the world in her eyes and in this moment, in the place where we once were meant to be together my heart is screaming at me to take one last chance.

"W-what are you talking about?" I ask as I take a step closer.

She steps closer to me, reaching out for me. I don't react I just stand there dumbly as her hands find purchase on my shoulders. "I've never fought for you Arizona, not like how you have deserved. I know I'm years too late and for that I am sorry but I love you Arizona, I always have and I always will so I'm here...to fight for you...because I believe we can get it right this time. Let me fight for you Arizona." she say's to me and I'm blown away because it's all I've ever wanted.

I stand there mute, mouth open like an idiot, "I-Callie...I don't know what to say." is what comes out.

"Say nothing then...just don't make me go, not right now. I'm asking you to give me a chance Arizona to fight for you. Let me stay here, I have so much that I want to say, so much that I should have said years ago."

I should say no. I should tell her to go because I was the one who wanted space, I asked her not to follow me and Kim...Kim is waiting for me at home, shes waiting for me to come home and choose her but Callie's here instead and she wants to fight for me. I should say no, my head is telling me not to be a fool but my heart wants Callie here with me.

"OK..." I say quietly as I look at her briefly.

"OK?" she repeats after me.

Nodding my head I reach out a shaking hand to take one of her's in mine and the moment our fingers intertwine it feels like coming home. "Ok, I won't make you go...stay with me." I say as I lead us towards the house.

There's no resistance, she quickly falls into step with me and as I reach the front door and go inside my heart thuds while my head yells at me to turn back around but for the first time in a long time I let my heart take control. I just hope I'm not about to make a big mistake.

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 **Callie's POV**

Ever since Arizona left me in that on call room three day's ago she's all that I've thought about, to be honest she was all I thought about before then to but those thoughts were sad and painful and I was torturing myself with depressing thoughts but since she handed me a tiny bit of hope all I have been thinking about is the good times, the love I have for her, the life I want to have with her, the possibility of getting her back.

She asked me to give her time and the first day came and went and I was ready to go to Bailey and ask where Arizona went but I held off. The second day came and went and I spent most it staring at my phone with my finger hovering over Arizona's name. Then today came and that was about all I could stand. I came back from New York for Arizona and here I was blowing my chance. How can she know to choose me when I haven't told her everything? Telling her I love her isn't enough. After all our history, our divorce, my life with Penny, I still love her but she doesn't know why, she doesn't know how much and how can she when the last time she saw me she was sending me off to New York.

When Arizona lost her leg I was devastated, I tried everything I could think of to make it better but she sunk into such a depression it tore a giant hole in our marriage that never mended. I know now that she was in pain, I know now that she was suffering but the moment it looked like she was getting better I closed my eyes to the pain that was still there because I couldn't deal with the alternative, I couldn't deal with the fact that the Arizona I fell in love with wasn't the same person. Then she cheated on me and my world fell apart. I was hurt beyond anything ever before. Not George, not Erica or my father or my mother had ever hurt me as much as she did when she slept with Lauren. Arizona was many things throughout her marriage but one thing I never doubted, one thing I always knew was how much she loved me, how much she wanted me. Previous relationships I never felt enough, I had to fight for the love but with Arizona it was so effortless, she always made me feel enough, she always made me feel beautiful. I never was jealous because I never worried she would stray because I knew without a doubt I was enough for her so when she slept with Lauren it absolutely crushed me beyond anything I had ever felt before and it changed me, it was the first step to the destruction of what we once were.

I still loved her though, my father gave me the push to ask her back and even after finding out about Leah I still wanted it to work and I still trusted her. The thing was I felt different, I loved her and I wanted her and I even trusted her not to stray again but I didn't feel like I was enough. All my old insecurities about myself, my body, my ability to be the woman she wanted surfaced and we struggled, we over compensated and we ignored what was right in front of our faces. We put band aids over holes and when they started to fray we ignored them because being with Arizona was all I knew, it was safe. It was what I wanted but at the same time I couldn't breath. Every conversation was fraught with tension, fake smiles. I was dying on the inside and so was she but neither of us wanted to admit it. So we went to therapy, something we should have done well before we finally did. I hated the exercise she set us, I was desperate to talk to her, to touch her but when I realized that Arizona was planning on sticking to the task I went along with it and with it I found my freedom.

I went out and I worked and I laughed and I didn't have to worry about coming home to an argument, I didn't have to worry about worrying about someone else's feelings. With each day that passed I could breath more freely than I had in so long and I didn't feel guilty about it. I loved Arizona, that was never in doubt but we hadn't been us in so long. I was unhappy and Arizona may not have admitted it but I knew she was unhappy. I knew without me, without us she would be able to fly. But I fucked up, I was selfish, I might have been enjoying myself, I might not have been feeling obligated but physically I was missing her. I had been out and I had a few drinks and I was horny. There really isn't any other excuse. I seduced her and I made love to her, all night and I loved every second of it. There has never been anyone, including Penny, Mark...anyone ever that has ever came close to making me feel what Arizona does when we make love.

I didn't think, I just let myself feel. I know Arizona worried after she lost her leg if she would be enough for me physically and it took a long time before I could prove to her that she was. Our sex life never lacked, it was always fiery and passionate, creative and loving. The problem was after that night ended and the morning came I was confused. For days I felt free and happy and for the first time in months I wasn't filled with tension and stress but then we made love and when I wrapped her in my arms the love I had always felt for her was still ever present. I wanted to close my eyes and transport us back to when everything wasn't so heavy and stressful. The next morning came all too soon and I sat in that room and listened to Arizona pour her heart out to me, telling me everything I knew to be true and everything that I had lived for, for years and when it came time to reciprocate, when it came time to tell her that I loved her too what instead came out was that we were done.

Not her cheating, not her losing her leg, not the days she was missing in the woods were as hard as forcing those words out of my mouth. The devastation, the heart break, the shock blasted me in the face as I looked at her and then I closed my eyes and walked out. I don't regret my decision but I regret the night before, I regret giving her false hope because I know what is what I did. I used her for my own selfish reasons and that is something I won't ever forgive myself for. I don't regret the decision to end our marriage because we would never have made it but I do regret is not fighting for her after I healed. I was in hell, I missed her every day but what kept me away was the fear of going back to what we were, the couple that put band aids on everything, the couple that made decisions without talking to each other, the couple that didn't communicate and constantly hurt each other. I loved her, I missed her but it wasn't enough. Time went on and I healed, I became stronger and braver but I never stopped loving her. I had moments of weakness where some nights alone I wanted to ring her and ask her to come over. Those nights I reminded myself of how she slept with Lauren and I let my anger take over. I reminded myself of how stressed we both were and I blamed her for everything. If she had opened up to me when she lost her leg, if she told me she was suffering, if she came to me...all 'What If's'. I told myself that she would make me unhappy, I told myself I was better off without her, I told myself whatever I needed to in order to survive because in those weakest moments all I wanted was Arizona but I was too terrified to say it out loud because I would never survive losing her again.

Then more time passed and I was dating, Arizona was dating, and then Penny came along one night. It had been just over two years and those years were filled with heartache and uncertainty, weakness and failed dates and insecurities and one night sitting at Joe's as I stewed over my lack of a personal life Penny walked in and brought me a drink. She was a breath of fresh air, she was young and carefree, open and fun. She had no history and soon one date turned into two and then two into three and soon she was the biggest part of my life with the exception of Sofia.

There was a time between my divorce and Penny, a time when I really considered asking Arizona if we could give it another go. My feelings had never lessened, I just had did a really great job at burying them. I had changed and I could see that Arizona had too. I was sure that we could make it work but the fear of failing again, the fear of breaking us both for good was too big and that was the night I met Penny. I took it as a sign. I let myself get swept up in her, and I refused to make the same mistakes twice so I fought for her against Meredith. I told her I wanted to make it work and I stood by her side. When she won the grant I was terrified of being alone and that should have been an alarm bell for me. My first thought wasn't of losing Penny but of being alone because I was content and comfortable and had someone who worshipped me and loved my daughter and I didn't want to go back to being alone. I wanted a life and a partner and a future so I fought Arizona in court hurting her, my friends and my daughter in the process and I closed myself off to everything else. I wasn't going to let someone else go. I made so many wrong decisions with Arizona and I didn't want to repeat them with Penny so I threw caution to the wind and tried to right every wrong I had made with Arizona with Penny instead and I convinced myself that it was what I wanted that she was what I wanted, that my future lay with her.

The moment I arrived in New York I knew the place I was supposed to be was Seattle. I was resistant and I was unfair to Penny but I did try. I tried to make it work, but with each passing day I grew restless. Even when I found work, even on our good nights, the nights we were wrapped up in each other I had small reprieves but then the mornings would come and she would be gone all day and I was alone. Work was average and Sofia was miserable and I missed my friends and the hospital and I missed Arizona. I tried for months but nothing changed. Penny tried and I tried but like Arizona and I we started falling apart and with each passing day my feelings lessened and I realized I had made a mistake. Then that day happened, standing there with Penny while Sofia played soccer and I knew without a doubt that the person that I wanted by my side was Arizona. I was standing in the future Bailey had described and I was miserable. My life was back in Seattle with Arizona. None of the rest of it mattered. Not the cheating, not the divorce, not the people we had been with or the people we once were. What mattered was after everything and everyone Arizona was still the person in my heart. What mattered was when I truly saw my future she was the one I desperately wanted by my side.

And now i'm here...her trembling hand within mine, one chance left to prove to her that I can be the woman she deserves, one last chance to show her that this time I'm in this forever.

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 **Arizona's POV**

I can't stop trembling, my heart is going wild as I lead Callie into the room I've been staying. She's held my hand the whole way both of us silent. Closing the door behind me I lead her over to the bed and sit down. Looking across at her I open my mouth then close it again, not sure what to say now that she's here.

"Please don't be so nervous Arizona. I'm not here to cause you any trouble or any heartache."

"Why exactly are you here Callie?" I ask her.

"I told you, to fight for you. How can you even consider giving us another chance when you don't know how I feel." she say's to me.

"You love me, I know that" I say.

"No you don't, well maybe you do but I don't think you realize just how much and that's on me. I left Arizona, you may have let me go but it was my decision to ultimately leave. There are things I need to tell you, apologies I have to make." Callie tells me and her voice is steady and clear. This is the Callie that I have missed, the Callie that once was so present in our relationship, strong, determined, confident and ready to fight. This is the Callie that I fell head over heals in love with.

"Ok...uh do you want to maybe get a bottle of wine and we can go back outside, there's a lovely covered seat out the back by the water, it's quiet and warm enough. We can talk out there." I suggest to her. I don't think talking in the room on my bed is the best idea. My emotions are on edge, I'm nervous but excited and I think being away from a bed would be the best idea, because the truth is I'm not sure if I can trust myself and I don't want to ever be that person again.

"Yeah that sounds great, shall we?" Callie responds as she holds her hand out.

Taking her hand I stand up and grab a couple glasses and Callie grabs the two bottles of wine out of the Mini fridge. Closing the door behind us I lead us down the stairs and out the back. Down the grass embankment is a wooden seat sitting under cover of a sheltered enclosed area. Sitting down I pour us both a glass of wine. Taking a sip I release the breath I've been holding since we left the room.

"I-I, I'm not sure what to say to be honest Callie. This hasn't exactly been easy on me." I start.

Nodding her head she places her glass on the small table in front of us, she takes my hand lightly within her's and our fingers entwine automatically. We both lean back and look out at the body of water in front of us, the stars shining down giving a shimmering effect.

"I made a mistake Arizona, a huge one. I should have never gone to New York, the moment I left I knew it was the wrong decision but...I had made so many mistakes with you I didn't want to fail again. I honestly believed Arizona that you were over me. It had been 3 years by that stage and I considered us friends. I...I didn't know how I felt until I really felt it and I know that's weak and it makes me sound indecisive and it probably gives you a reason to think that you can't trust my feelings but I'm telling you now that you can. I love you, I've always loved you and I always will. I was hurt and I was scared because after all those years, after everything we had put each other through you still held such a big piece of my heart but I know what we're like when we go wrong. I was terrified of being hurt again and I was terrified that you had moved on so I did my best to move on." she tells me, I'm sitting here, holding her hand, watching the water and listening to every word she is saying because I don't want to miss anything.

Pausing to give herself some time, we both pick up our glasses and take a drink but our hands still stay connected.

"We made so many mistakes Arizona, both of us but I've had time to think and one of the biggest mistakes I ever made was I never put you first. I loved you, but I took you for granted and for that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ignoring your pain and not pushing harder or pushing too hard. I'm sorry for going to New York, for putting you through hell in court. I'm sorry for everything but most of all I'm sorry for taking so long to tell you how much I love you because I do. My only excuse is that I was terrified. I was a coward, I should have told you how I felt but it had been so long and you seemed happy. So I moved on...because I did heal Arizona and...I-I don't say this to hurt you but I don't regret that day in therapy because we were broken Arizona, we wouldn't have made it but I do regret how it happened and I am so sorry for the night before...I gave you mixed signals." she says

My hand trembles in her's and I start to pull away because remembering that night, hearing her talk about it still hurts me a lot. But she tightens her hold, "Please don't, don't pull away, not now" she say's as she grips my hand.

"You broke my heart Callie...Calliope. I thought...I thought we were going to be OK, I gave you everything the next day and you just walked out. Making love to me...then leaving me like that...do you have any idea what it did to me?" I ask her my voice trembling and a few tears leaking.

"I do know Arizona. I made you feel used, I made you feel like you weren't enough...it was the exact way I felt when you slept with Lauren." she replies but there's no venom in her voice, just sadness and regret.

I flinch at her words because they hurt and this time I do yank my hand away, "So it was...payback? You wanted me to feel how you did?" I accuse her.

"No! No...Arizona we were on self destruct, I was unhappy...but I never wanted to hurt you, not like that. It wasn't my finest hour and I feel horrible about it but I didn't see any other way. I went about it the wrong way I know that now but I needed to heal...I had to Arizona and you needed to as well. Please tell me that you understand." Callie begs me as she turns to look at me.

I want to scream at her to leave, to tell her how much I suffered that day, that I don't understand but the thing is I do. Yes I'm hurt at the events leading up to it but I also know that she was right. She was unhappy, and as much as I loved her I wasn't happy but that was because she wasn't. Not because I was miserable because of her but I knew she was suffering and I just wanted to keep her as mine, we would have imploded. I know she made the right decision, but that doesn't make it any easier.

"I do, I understand. It hurts though, it hurts so much because I loved you Calliope, so fucking much and I hoped once you learnt to be happy on your own you would come back to me, but you didn't...you didn't miss me enough..." I say sadly as I look into her brown eyes.

Reaching out to brush away my tears, I shudder at her touch, "But I did miss you though, and I did love you, and I know it hurts that it wasn't enough then but it was for the best Arizona. We were both different people, we needed to heal and learn to love ourselves. " she tells me softly.

"I missed you though, I wanted you back, not a day went by that I didn't love you or pine for you but you just...moved on and didn't look back." I say to her and now I'm sobbing because it hurts so much remembering those day's, the pain and the struggle to get out of bed. Yet here she is, looking at me with those big beautiful brown eyes promising me the world.

"I did Arizona! I did look back but it hurt too much, I didn't know...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." she say's and now she's crying too.

"I don't understand, you didn't miss me or love me enough then, you l-loved h-er enough though, enough to move away, to try and take Sofia...but now you love me? Callie how am I supposed to believe you?" I say to her as I pull back. Because god I want to believe her, because I know in my heart of hearts it's always been her, it always will be her but how can I trust her now? How do I know she's certain, that she won't change her mind, that I won't suffocate her and I tell her this, I tell her everything I've been feeling. I tell her how much I love her, how much I've missed her, how much I hated her and how much it hurts me that she's back but how at the same time it feels like the last broken piece of me has been fixed.

"Bailey asked me one day who I imagined standing by me cheering Sofia on, who I saw in my future and Arizona...you were happy as far as I knew, I was with Penny and I didn't want to be alone. She loved me and I saw her but that's because I didn't think that you were a choice, I didn't know but I know now Arizona. I stood there, in that future only a couple weeks ago and it was you. It wasn't Penny, it wasn't anyone else, you were all I saw and all I wanted. I fucked up, I know that. I've hurt you and I've lost your trust but please trust this" she implores at me as she takes my hand and places it over her beating heart.

"Trust me when I tell you that this beats for you and only you. I know I have a lot of prove, I have to earn back your trust but if you can't believe my words now then feel this...feel me...and trust this..." and then her lips are on mine, her free hand wraps around my neck and as her mouth moves with mine, her heart beats in time under my hand. The fingers around my neck lightly massage me and her tongue pushes in and out as her lips swallow my moans. I rip my hand away from her's as I push them straight into her hair. My body glues itself to her as she grabs me and pulls me on top of her. I gasp as she breaks for air and in that tiny break I realize what I'm doing and I jump off her immediately.

"No...no...no, I can't do this. I can't be this...person again, I won't be, not for you Callie...not for anyone." I gasp out as I try to catch my breath.

Despite my protests I can't help the thump of my heart as I look at her wide eyed. Her beautiful mane of hair messed up, lips bruised, eyes full of lust.

"Ok...Ok...I'm sorry, that was my fault but please don't run away Arizona. Just...sit...have another drink." she say's and I can tell she's trying to get herself under control just like I need to myself.

Nodding my head I sit down shakily and take the glass of wine she hands me.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, both of us trying to digest everything.

She breaks the silence first by asking me something that I know could break both our hearts. "Do you love her?"

I take a breath and nod my head in the affirmative, I hear her sharp intake of breath and I know my answer however silent hurts her. "Are...you i-in love with her though?" she asks.

The silence stretches out in front of us as I fail to answer because that's the million dollar question. Am I in love with Kim? Like actually IN love with her. I care about her, I love her even, she makes me happy. There isn't a single thing about her that I dislike...except...she's not Callie. I know how unfair that is. If Callie hadn't come back into my life, I know I could have had a great life with Kim. We could have been happy but Callie did come back and the love I have for her is unending, it's earth shattering, it consumes me. I've never felt like that about anyone.

"No...I'm not." I tell her after an extended period of silence.

"But you're in love with me?" she asks and this time I do look at her and I nod my head affirmatively again.

She breaks out into a breathtaking smile, "It's not that simple though Callie." I tell her and her smile fades slightly as she reaches out for me but I rebuff her advances this time.

"Arizona, why? Why isn't it simple. You love me and I love you and none of the rest of it matters remember?" she say's as she stands up and follows me.

"Callie this isn't...then! The rest of it did matter, have you forgotten the last four years?" I snap at her as I reach the water's edge.

"Of course I haven't, but I love you despite everything that happened during that time. You can't tell me that doesn't mean something Arizona." she replies at me urgently.

"It does Callie, it means everything but...you left...she...Kim fixed me, I was drowning Callie, you were gone and Sofia was gone and I was dying. She wasn't a passing fling, I wasn't just filling a void, I love her and I don't know if I can hurt her." I tell her honestly.

"I get that, I do, I won't deny it hurts but I understand Arizona but you can't deny how you feel because you don't want to hurt her."

"Do you though? Because you left me Callie, you walked out of therapy that day and I know you say you looked back but in the end you still carried on. You found Penny and you fell in love and you moved your whole life for her and...and now again for me. How can I trust you won't do the same in a year or five when I'm suffocating you again." I say.

"I can't guarantee the future Arizona but I also know that whatever future I have I want you in it. I will fight for you, for us, for our family every day. I told you I fucked up but I'm sure this time. I've never been more sure than anything in my life...and...I wasn't in love with her." she say's to me and my head shoots up at that.

"W-what? You l-left...you were with her for two years, I thought..." I was so sure she was in love with Penny, I could see it on her face when she walked around the hospital, I saw how devastated she was when she left to New York.

"I thought I was too, I did love her, I cared for her deeply but I was never in love with her Arizona. I tried to be, believe me, I really thought I might have been but I know now I wasn't. There's only ever been room in my heart for you. I don't know what to do or say to get you to trust me when I tell you, it's...always been you." she tells me honestly.

My heart is thumping against my chest, everything I have always wanted to hear from Callie she is saying, but is it too late? Can I really trust her this time around?

"We're not the same people Calliope...I've changed...you've changed. What about children? What if I want to go to Africa or what if you meet someone one day that makes you feel something, what if I do, what if..." but I don't get to finish. Callie steps in front of me and takes me by the shoulders for the second time that night.

"You're right we have changed. I'm stronger and so are you. We were broken Arizona and we both made mistakes. But we healed. We moved on, we met other people but despite all of that, four years later, here I am still in love with you. It's been 10 years and I love you more than I ever have before. We can have children or we don't have too. If you want to go to Africa then I'll happily follow you this time. I will never feel anything for anyone ever again, there's just no room for anyone else and if you do, I'll kick your ass and remind you how much I love you and I'll fight for you tooth and nail. I'll see you this time Arizona, every part of you. I'll put you first and I'll never ignore you. I will hold your hand if you ever get sick and when we're both old and wrinkly I'll be there holding your hand. I'll love you Arizona until my dying breath. Give me another chance. We can get it right this time Arizona, we are meant to be and I know you know that." she passionately states.

And how can I say No? I should have fought for her myself. It was never just up to her. She's right, we both made mistakes and we both have grown and changed but our love, my love for her has never diminished. Maybe our timing just sucked, maybe we needed a break but what I do know without a shadow of a doubt is that I love Calliope Torres with all my heart and I don't want to spend another day without her in my life.

"Ok."

"Ok?...Ok you'll give us another chance?" she asks.

Smiling genuinely for the first time in days I nod my head. "Yes I'll give us another chance but this...this is it Callie, we have to make this work because I can't lose you again." I say to her.

"We will, I will, I swear Arizona you won't regret this." she say's excitedly and her smile is back. She places her hands on my face and I know she's going to kiss me and I want her too, god do I want to feel her lips again but I can't, not now, not yet.

"Wait...I can't..." I say to her breathlessly my own excitement mounting but I have to put a damper on it.

"What? Why?" she say's confused.

"I need to talk to Kim first. I can't...be with you until I do. I made that mistake once and I won't do it again." I say to her honestly.

I want her, so much. The thought of being with Callie again...physically, making love to her, god it's...taking everything I have not to drag her inside and throw her down on the bed but I don't ever want to cheat again and Kim deserves more. I'm going to have to break her heart, I'd rather not betray her as well, well more so than I already have.

"OK, I understand...yeah I get it." Callie say's.

"Really?" I question.

Callie laughs, "Of course Arizona. Don't get me wrong, I want you...I want to make love to you so badly. God...it's been too long but you need to do what you need to do and I respect you for that."

Taking her hand I squeeze it tightly and begin to lead us back towards the house, "I know this is stupid but do you mind if we stay in separate rooms tonight? I know you've came all the way up here...and I'm not going to change my mind but I need to be alone tonight. I hope you can understand why." I say to her nervously.

I won't change my mind about choosing Callie, my heart is sure and my mind agrees but tomorrow I'm going to have to go and break Kim's heart. In a week we were going to be getting married and now I've ruined everything for her. I need time to mourn that. I'm so very happy that Callie and I are going to make a go of things, I can't wait to be a family again. I'm excited, nervous and still scared shitless but I know I've chosen right but despite that I take no pleasure in what I'm going to have to do. I maybe in love with Callie but I still do love Kim, I'm just not in love with her. But she did save me, she did give me one of the best years ever. She gave me so much and this is going to destroy her so tonight I need to be on my own, I need to cry about it and prepare myself and I can't do that with Callie in my bed.

Reaching the door to the B&B, we enter together hand in hand, Callie turns to me and looks at me intently. "I understand. I...Arizona I won't deny that I'm not fucking over the moon about us but I also know how hard tomorrow is going to be for you and I'm sorry. So take all the time in the world you need because I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when you need me." Callie tells me and I'm so very thankful for her response.

"Thank you. I'm actually exhausted now", I tell her yawning suddenly and she laughs cutely at me. I smile and blush like an idiot. God how I have missed her laugh, and the way she looks at me like I'm the sun, moon and stars.

"I'll get myself sorted for a room, you go and sleep and we can meet down here for breakfast?" she suggests.

"Yeah that sounds great." I say as I lean in and kiss her chastely on the cheek. "Goodnight Calliope."

"Goodnight Arizona." she responds before I disappear up the stairs.

Finding my room, I let myself in and collapse onto the bed. It's only a moment before the tears begin. I don't bother to stop them. I know why I'm crying. After everything I'm finally going to get my happy ending, I have Callie back and my daughter and we're going to be a family. It's all I've ever wanted. But at the same time I'm going to lose Kim and that hurts. It hurts a hell of a lot. So I cry for myself and I cry for what I'm going to do to a woman who does not deserve it. I grab the pillow and hug it to myself and let the tears flow until they run dry until there are none left and as my eyes sleepily close, Callie's face swims into my mind and despite the dread of tomorrow I fall asleep with a smile on my face because tomorrow might be hard but the future now looks so much more brighter.

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 **So that's it folks! Please let me know what you think!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi everyone! Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. I don't have much to say except here is the next one! Oh and I was going to finish it here but I think you guys deserve at least one more chapter...If you're for that then let me know in the reviews!**

 **I own nothing etc etc**

 **Read on peoples and let me know what you all think! I can't wait to hear all your thoughts!**

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 **Chapter 9**

 **There's no place like home and no-one like you**

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 **Callie's POV**

Stretching my arms above my head, I can't help the smile that lights up my face and it's not because the sun is streaming in warming me or that the bed I slept in felt like heaven it's because after everything I've been through I finally am going to get my happy ending. I came and I fought and I won. Arizona is giving me a second chance and it makes my heart flutter, makes it pound, makes it want to burst right out of my chest and dance down the street. There was a point in my life where I really thought we were over, that we had our chance and ruined it but then I finally opened my eyes and it was right in front of me the whole time. Feelings buried, hurt still present I ignored what my heart always knew - Arizona and I are made for each other. After everything, the hurt, the pain, the separation, divorce, Africa, amputation, infidelity, Leah, Penny, New York...everything...my heart still seeks hers out. My life has never felt so complete unless she's in it. It's scary and uncertain but that's what makes me feel alive because no-one can make me feel what she does. Some days I've wanted to scream at her and some times looking at her makes me so angry yet I still want her by my side.

I've nearly lost count of how many chances we've given our relationship but I plan on making this time count. I can't bare to be without her, I think the past year has proved that. She's on my mind, in my heart and is my soul and without her life doesn't make sense. Today is a new day, a new start and I plan on making every second with her count. I wish it hadn't taken us so long, me so long to realize she was what I wanted. But I don't want to dwell on missed opportunities and what if's. We've decided to make a go of things and the only thing I want to focus on is the future - our future.

With that thought in mind I jump out of bed and head straight for the shower, it's still early the sun only having risen to spread out among-st the blue sky. I want to get down ahead of Arizona and prepare us some breakfast and just spend time with her. I know she still has to break up with Kim and I can't lie, I'm happy that she is but I also have sympathy. I know Arizona hates to hurt people and I also know what it's like to lose Arizona but it was a choice between me and her and I was betting on myself.

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Freshly showered and dressed and feeling on top of the world, I look at my phone and see it's not even 7.30 am yet. Smiling like a fool I head out the door and towards the main lounge. Arizona has never been an early bird. Some might think with her sunny deposition and perky demeanor she might be but she's the biggest grump in the morning, something I cannot wait to experience when we are back home.

Entering the lounge of the bed and breakfast, I find it empty, quickly spotting a table with breakfast foods I make my way over and flip on the jug. Coffee is the way to Arizona's heart in the morning, so I go about putting on a fresh pot while I put some toast on and and search out other ingredients to cook her up something yummy. Within 20 minutes I have a delicious breakfast for two all ready to be eaten. I load the food up on a breakfast tray and carefully take it outside onto the veranda where there is a table set up where the both of us can eat and enjoy the view this place offers.

Pulling out my phone I look at the time, Arizona should be up by now, she's not normally an early riser but she wouldn't sleep this long especially after last night and knowing what she has to do today. I peek in threw the windows and don't see any sign of life. Deciding to give in because I'm impatient, I pull up her name on my phone and push the call button. The phone rings and rings but she doesn't answer. Scrunching my brow I stand up and head inside in search of my elusive blonde.

Reaching her room in less than five minutes I knock a couple times, after a few seconds and no response I enter the room.

"Arizona? You up babe?" I call out.

Again no response, her bed is made and her bag is still here and her car was out front, there's no sound from the bathroom but I check just in case. Once I'm sure she's not in her room I make my way back downstairs but it's still just as empty as it was half an hour ago. Feeling a little worried I ring her again but still there's no answer.

Where could she be? And why wouldn't she come seek me out? I mean we decided we were getting back together, that's huge! And yet this morning she's no where to be found. Maybe she changed her mind? The thought makes my blood run cold. She wouldn't do that to me would she? Maybe it's too hard for her, maybe she loves Kim more than me, maybe...maybe...maybe.

"Ugh where are you Arizona?!" I say out loud.

Feeling pissed off and upset I start walking with no direction in mind, the sun is out and it takes away some of the chill that comes along with these cold mornings. Kicking my feet and not paying attention to where I'm heading I come across an embankment that isn't too high but a bit of a hike. Letting out a breath I carry on my aimless wandering up and over the bank and there she is. Sitting in the grass her legs nearly in the water, and a cigarette in her hand. The smell wafts towards me and I cringe. Taking a deep breath I walk towards her, she doesn't seem to sense my presence which is worrying because it's one the millions of things I love about her. She's always been so attune with me. I could walk in the door to home and she'd be in the bathroom and she would know I was back, or I'd be somewhere at work and she'd just appear where I was saying she knew I was there. Yet I'm literally right behind her and she hasn't moved or acknowledged my presence.

"Arizona, I've been looking for you." I say more harshly than I intended as I plonk myself down beside her.

"I'm sorry." is all she say's but she doesn't look at me and I notice straight away how hoarse her voice is.

Turning to look at her, my heart clenches as I take in her appearance. She looks so small right now, she's in shorts and a tank top with a thin blanket half wrapped around her. The hand that holds the cigarette she's been smoking is shaking.

"Arizona look at me please."

She turns and looks at me and my heart constricts with sorrow, she has bags under her eyes which are red rimmed. It doesn't take a genius to work out she's been crying for hours. That light that I got to see briefly last night is dulled. That along with her general appearance well...quite frankly she looks awful. My protective instincts kicking in I move to pull her smaller frame into mine but she resists and now my heart clenches for another reason.

"What's wrong? H-have...you changed your mind?" I ask fearing her answer. God if she's changed her mind I'm not sure what I'll do. I can't lose her.

"No, god no Callie. I want to be with you, I'm certain of that I promise it's...it's not you." she say's starting off with conviction which soothes me but ends on a whisper and I'm back to being worried about her.

"How long have you been out here Arizona?" I ask her.

"I dunno...I couldn't sleep well, a few hours maybe give or take." she tells me.

"Come here please." I beg her quietly as I open my arms.

She hesitates briefly before sighing and falling into my arms. I hold her tight and kiss the top of her head. Rubbing my hands up and down her arms I whisper how much I love her and how everything is going to be alright. I hate seeing her so upset, while I'm glad she hasn't changed her mind about us I still can't help but be worried that she's not as sure as she say's she is.

"Talk to me baby, I hate seeing you so upset" I say to her as I feel her tears soak through my top. Her smaller frame is shuddering in my arms and I can't help but let a tear or two slip myself. Her pain is my pain, I hate seeing her like this especially when we're still so new.

"Is it me? Are you sure about us because I understand if you need time. Just tell me what I can do Arizona, please." I beg her, I hate this, I can't stand seeing her so distressed.

"No...no...it's not you I promise, I love you Calliope and I don't want to be without you anymore but...it's hard." she replies as she pulls back, her tears still falling but she seems to have calmed down a little.

Reaching out I wipe her face and stroke some of her loose hairs out of her face. "Talk to me Arizona."

"I-I c-can't. It's not...right." she say's and I screw my face up in confusion.

"What do you mean? You know you can talk to me about anything baby. I love you, I just want to help you."

I wait as she sits up more, disconnecting her physical contact. She looks down at the packet of cigarettes beside her before tightening the blanket around her. She's gathering herself to talk I can tell so I keep quiet and just give her the time she needs to open up.

"I love you, so much. I never thought we would ever be...us again. I had hoped and dreamed but it just didn't seem possible. I can't wait to start our life together...again but...and I do, god I love you Callie please don't think I don't but...I-I...it's...I'm going to have to go back today and hurt someone that I..." she explains sincerely if not sadly but doesn't finish what she was saying.

I love this woman, more than life itself. I would go through everything all over again if it meant I got to be with her. Our past is exactly that, the past. I hold nothing against her anymore, I have no ill feelings or resentment, sometimes guilt and regret but I'm learning to try and let that go and just live in the now. Does it hurt me that she loves Kim? I'd be lying if I said no. I want there just to be me in her heart but I left and someone else came along. I can't be angry about that, it was my decision to leave, my decision to enter into a relationship with Penny. I made it abundantly clear to Arizona that we were over so I can hardly be angry that she met someone else and despite the normality of human nature of me being jealous, I'm big enough to understand what she is going through.

"Someone that you...love..." I finish for her.

She looks up at me briefly, anguish, sorrow, and regret written all over her face. "I'm sorry."

Shaking my head I force her to look at me, "No don't be sorry, don't you ever say sorry to me for mending what I broke. I'm sorry that you have to hurt someone you love, I'm sorry that me coming back has caused you so much pain but I can't be sorry that I love you, that I want to be with you." I tell her as I stroke her face softly.

She smiles at me and takes my hand. "I love you, you know that." she say's and it's not a question it's just...fact.

Smiling back I wrap my arm around her, "Tell me about her." I request.

Her head swivels around so fast it's almost comical, "Calliope...No. You don't have to do this." she say's to me.

"I know I don't but...I want too. I don't think Kim is like Penny...you really loved her didn't you?"

"I do but I don't think I was in love with her. I think...I wanted to be and I thought I was but it's not the same. I mean you two are two completely different people but I don't feel for her what I feel for you, it's not the same but also it's not...nothing." she say's and I get it, I understand what she's saying. I have no jealousy in me, only sadness that she's hurting.

"So tell me about her, I mean you can spare the details of...you know what, I'm not that big of a person" I tell her and she blushes but laughs even if it's a little uncomfortable.

"She's a good person you know? Just...she doesn't have a bad bone in her body. She's loyal and passionate and she fixed me, maybe not fully because I was always holding a piece of me back, a piece that you held but I thought I was going to die Callie. You were gone and Sofia was gone and all the dates and the woman, nothing made me feel like it was going to be OK. Then she came along and she made me feel like I could breath. She breathed some life back into me. She never pushed me, she just...was there. I was feeling insecure and all sorts of things after...us and she gave me back my confidence, she made me feel like I was worth loving." she tells me.

I squeeze her hand and listen carefully, I thought it might hurt to hear her talking about someone else like this, it doesn't, well not as much as I thought it would. I'm glad someone was there to bring her back to life again because I know what I did to her, I know how my words hurt her because she'd done it to me before.

"I'm thankful for her then." I say to her as she looks at me in surprise.

"Really? I-uh...this is kind of messed up." she laughs.

"Maybe.", I chuckle, "but I know how I hurt you, I know my words and my actions made you feel like you weren't enough so I'm glad you had someone who made you feel like you were because you are Arizona. You deserve to be loved and adored and I know I done a shitty job of it before so I'm glad someone took care of you while I was gone but I'm here now and I promise I won't ever make you feel like you aren't enough again. " I say to her passionately and I mean it. I swear every single day I'm going to make sure Arizona knows just how loved she is by me, just how important she is. The mistakes I made in the past, I've learnt from them and I won't make them again.

"We both made mistakes Callie, it's not like I made you feel special when I jumped into bed with Lauren." she say's with disgust in her tone. I can't help but flinch at the mention of the woman that my wife cheated on me with.

"Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up." she say's shaking her head and squeezing my hand for reassurance.

"No, it's fine." I lie.

"No it's not Callie, it's not fine at all. I won't ever cheat on you again I swear. I'll never hurt you like that." she promises me and I believe her without a doubt and I tell her that, I also tell her that we're going to be happy and do it right this time, I tell her how much I love her and how happy I am. She repeats a lot of my sentiments, she talks some more about Kim and I listen and give her advice and sympathize with her. We talk and talk and before we know it a couple hours have passed.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there this morning, I know that freaked you out, I should have left a note or something." she say's interruping the comfortable silence that had fallen over us.

"It's fine honestly, I'm still a little gun shy I guess, I keep thinking you're going to change your mind and I know that's not fair to you because I trust you, I do but...I know how badly I fucked up, I know you don't want to hurt Kim...I guess I can't help but worry a little." I explain to her honestly.

She turns to me fully and takes my face between her hands, my breathing goes shallow with her simple touch, I brace myself as she leans in and kisses me softly, there's no tongue, it's simply her soft lips on mine as she holds our embrace.

Pulling back I smile at her lovingly, god I love this woman so much. "What was that for?" I ask her breathlessly.

"Because I love you so much, because you've been so understanding and because I needed to butter you up to ask you something." she says chuckling a little.

I laugh back, loving the playful banter, something that we haven't had in years, something I can't wait to get back. There's nothing more awesome than a playful smiley Arizona.

"What could you possibly want that I could give you." I ask her playfully and I throw a wink in. The thought of her wanting me, the thought of finally getting to be with her physically again makes my insides quiver with excitement.

"Today is going to be...hard...I don't say this to hurt you but because it's the truth. Kim wasn't a passing fling, I had real feelings for her but you are who I want to be with. You are who I am in love with but I'm going to have to hurt a good woman, and I'm not sure what state I'll be in afterwards, so I'm asking you to give me some time." she say's to me seriously and the smile slips off my face immediately. I wasn't quite expecting this, one minute she's kissing me, and the next we're back to being serious.

"I uh...time as in...like...sorry what do you mean?" I ask her confused.

"I want to be with you again I do, but it feels disrespectful to go and break up with Kim today then just jump straight into a relationship with you. I can't do that." she say's to me and for the first time since last night I feel a little angry at the blonde.

"Then why did you say that you wanted to give us another go if you're not ready to Arizona?!" I ask harsly as I pull myself to my feet.

Folowing suit Arizona jumps up and places her hands on her hips, looks like I'm not the only one who is angry, her face say's it all.

"Are you serious right now Callie? I thought you said you understood or were you just lying? she yells at me.

I feel my hackles rise at the accusation of me lying. I've been nothing but honest with her about everything.

"I am serious Arizona, how are we supposed to be together if you need more time? How much time do you need before you decide I've been punished enough?!" I yell right back at her.

The moment the words slip out of my mouth I regret them. I just can't get it right, I promise myself I won't hurt her and yet here I am yelling at her. It's just that she makes me feel so much at once and I love her so fucking much that anything that threatens the already shaky foundation that we are standing on makes me see red.

She looks like I slapped her and tears pool in her eyes instantly and I could just fucking kick myself or throw myself off a building or something.

"Sorry, I didn't mean that." I start but she puts her hand up to stop me.

"No you did and you're allowed to feel the way you feel but I can't do this Callie...I'm sorry you're feeling insecure but I'm not a liar. I wouldn't say that I want to be with you if I didn't. I love you more than anything but if you can't understand that I need some time to grieve for a relationship that I've had for the past year then maybe...this...us is a mistake." she say's curtly and my stomach drops.

"What? No...what are you saying? You're going to stay with her because I stuck my foot in my mouth" I ask terrified of the answer.

"God Calliope no! I love you! Don't you get it? I'm not in love with her but I owe her more than breaking up with her today and then jumping into bed with you. I need to do this properly and the fact that you can't understand that...that you came here to fight for me and then the next day when I ask you for a bit of time you start yelling at me all types of crap...well then maybe you haven't changed and I can't go back Callie! I can't go back to fighting with you and insecure feelings and broken promises and walking on eggshells and not feeling enough for you, not knowing when you're going to love me or hate me. I can't do it. Nothing has changed and...I-I can't go back to that Callie." she yells at me and I feel like someone just stabbed me in the heart. My stomach filled with dread, it's like someone just dumped a big bucket of ice all over me.

Did I just blow my last chance with her? All because I'm hot headed, jealous and insecure. I thought that was all behind me, but the thought of needing more time it made me second guess everything we promised each other. The truth is, Arizona might not feel like she's enough, but it's me that isn't enough. I've always thought the world of her, I always wanted to strive to be the best because she's like noone I've ever met. She has woman lining up for her after all, she's beautiful, she's intelligent and anyone would be lucky to have her. I've always felt inadequate when it comes to Arizona and I've let those feelings bleed over into our relationship and it hasn't been fair.

"No please wait. I'm sorry Ok. Please don't go Arizona, I couldn't handle it if I lost you. I'm sorry, I'll be better but please don't walk away." I plead with her.

She shakes her head at me and I can't help the tears that fall, I rush to her and grab her hands, "Please Zona, I'm sorry. I was jealous and insecure and I know I said I'd changed and I have, it's just...I never thought you would forgive me. I never thought you would love me again. You thought that you weren't enough for me but that was so far from the truth. It's me Arizona, I'm not good enough for you. I never have been and I'm terrified you'll realize that and you'll walk away. You could have anybody in the world and yet you have kept on choosing me and I keep on fucking it up but please just give me one more chance." I beg my tears falling fast and hard now as my heart beats to it's own heavy rhythm.

"What? Callie you are good enough for me! Why would you think you weren't? Look...just...god I love you! We only decided to get back together last night and already we're fighting. You frustrate me so much, you make me so angry but the thought of walking away nearly brings me to my knees. I want to be with you, I don't want to be with Kim but that doens't mean I relish the thought of hurting her. We were going to be married, her whole life is about to be blown to pieces and I just wanted some time to grieve that, to hate myself for hurting her, before I give myself to you because when I do this time Calliope...it's going to be forever and I don't want it tainted by anything else. But I need you to stop second guessing my feelings. You say you're all in, you say you trust me then trust me because I'm all in this." she passionately states and I literally swoon on the spot. Seems Arizona's penchant for giving amazing speeches hasn't been lost.

I feel like a fool because everything she just said makes sense. I guess I thought it was too good to be true that she would choose me that I let old insecurities get in the way. I can't keep doing that, maybe I need to talk to someone professional about it because I don't want to lose her and if I keep doing what I just did I know I will.

"I'm sorry, god I'm such an idiot, please forgive me." I say to her as I hug her close to me.

"I forgive you, I love you, you moron." she whispers in my ear as she holds me tightly.

"And I understand that you need time, I'm sorry I let myself get caught up in old insecurities. I do trust you and I love you more than anything. So take all the time that you need. I'll be waiting for you whenever you're ready." I tell her truthfully.

Pulling back she smiles at me, "I haven't meant to make you feel insecure, and I hope you know that there is no-one else for me. Kim...she's a great woman but she's not who I want to be with. It's just that...Calliope...you broke my heart, without Kim's love I wouldn't be here now, without her, I don't think you and I would ever have gotten to this place, so it's not that I love her more or want to be with her. I owe her so much, she won't see it like that and maybe you don't but if she didn't come into my life when she did I wouldn't be in a place to love you right now." she tells me and I smile sadly at her because I finally get it.

"Then I am in her debt." I simply reply and the smile of relief that I get in return tells me I have said the right thing.

Arizona loves me and I love her. It's not been easy and I doubt it will be perfect sailing but I sure as hell will try my best to make sure I give her as close to perfection as she deserves. I'll wait no matter how long it takes until she's ready because she's worth it, nothing else matters but her.

 ** _Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii_**

 **Arizona's POV**

The last few day's have been intense, emotional and hard. I went away to clear my head, to try and find where my heart lays, or more accurately who my heart lies with. When Callie turned up I knew she was the one, I think I knew that before, in fact I've always known it. I wish it hadn't taken us this long to finally admit what we've always known. We're two totally different people now yet our hearts still fit perfectly together. We've lived different lives, been with other people, said hurtful things and nearly broke each other so we couldn't be fixed yet here we still are years later desperately in love with one another.

Despite my choice to choose Callie I don't feel overwhelmed with happiness, I know I will soon, but knowing what I have to do is putting a damper on everything else. I wanted to be honest with Callie earlier because starting off our relationship with lies will only do damage to us. I love her, she loves me, we both want to be with each other but I'm not stupid enough to believe it's going to be as simple as walking off into the sunset. She say's she forgives me for everything and I hope she means it. Do I forgive Callie for everything? I think I really do, I wouldn't be able to be with her if I didn't. It's just that there is so much baggage, so much history with us that it's terrifying to think we are going to do it all again. Of course this time we are hoping for different results but it doesn't mean that it's not terrifying. But terrifying or not I wouldn't change my mind. Even though I'm dreading talking to Kim, I can't take back what I said to Callie because I love her, I can't be without her now. She's back and in the small amount of time she's been back she's worked her way back into my heart, not that she ever left but she's just there...all the time, in the best of ways. She's in my heart, my mind and I want to start our life together, I want to make love to her, god I want to make love to her but I can't. I've learnt some valuable lessons over the years and I need to do this right. I can't start one relationship when I haven't finished the other.

So here I sit in the living room of my house while I wait for Kim to turn up. After our talk and me reassuring Callie this is what I want, we said our goodbyes. She tells me she understands that I need time, I really hope she means that because I don't want to break up with Kim only to start something with Callie if there is going to be drama. I need something to finally go right for me. This is it for me, my last chance at happiness, I need this to work and that is what is giving me the courage to go through with what I have to do.

I'm dreading it so much but I also know once the dust has settled I'll have Callie waiting for me and there is nothing more rewarding than that. She is the love of my life and we have one more chance to make this work and I'm going to do everything in my power to get it right this time, I just hate that it starts with me breaking a good woman's heart.

I hear a car door close and I know she's here, taking a breath I try to calm myself before she walks through the door. I don't know if I should get up and greet her or not, I don't really have any idea what the protocol for something like this is. In the end she saves me the decision because before I can get up off the Sofa I hear the door to the our house open then close and then she's there standing in the living room smiling at me. Despite what's about to happen I can't help but smile back. She's always had the ability to brighten my day, her smile so genuine for so long has helped heal me.

I quickly stand and move to embrace her and I'm glad she doesn't hold back. My gut is churning because I don't want to hurt her, I care about her so much but my life is with Callie, I'm so certain of that but hurting Kim, telling her that I can't be with her anymore, god this is so fucking hard.

"Welcome back." she say's to me genuinely as she pulls back, her hands move from around my waist to take hold of my hands.

I swallow nervously but squeeze back, "Here, sit down." I say as I tug us to the Sofa I recently vacated.

Once we're seated, I don't say anything and neither does she for a moment, we just sit there holding hands. I know it has to be me that starts this, and I owe her the decency of looking her in the eyes and telling her the truth so I open my mouth to let the words come out but instead nothing comes out. I close my mouth again and take a breath.

"Kim, I...I've had a lot of time to think and the thing is that I care about you so much..."

"Don't...don't you dare Arizona give me cliched bullshit break up line. That's what you're about to do right? You're about to break up with me?" she say's as she tries to pull her hands from mine but I grip even tighter.

"I love you Kim, you have no idea what you mean to me, what you've done to me." I say hoping she'll hear the belief in my tone.

"But you're breaking up with me? You're choosing...her?" she asks and her voice breaks and I hate myself for doing this.

She's been such a strong woman since she met me, a pillar of strength while I was down in the gutters and she slowly brought me back up with confidence and never ending, never wavering faith and love and here I sit breaking her heart. I know I can't help the way I feel about Callie but it guts me to have to do this, to know the heartache I am causing her.

"Look me in the eye Arizona and tell me the truth." she say's to me when I fail to answer her.

Looking up, it takes everything in me I have to not recoil and hide away when I see the pain in those beautiful eyes. Holding eye contact I nod my head, "I'm so fucking sorry Kim but yes I am breaking up with you." I say as my voice wavers.

The last bit of strength that Kim was holding onto shatters and her hands slacken in mine and she lets out a moan of despair. My heart rips into two and I wonder how much more damage it can take. Will it ever be whole enough for me to be happy? Can I love Callie when it feels like I have nothing left in me?

"I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry." I say helplessly as she covers her mouth with her hand and sobs into it. I feel like a monster, I feel helpless and lost and hurt and I shouldn't be hurt, I have no right to be but yet I do.

"Don't...don't apologize when you don't mean it, you made your c-choice." she hiccups as she looks up at me nothing but heartache etched into her features. "I-I k-knew that most likely I would lose if it came to a contest between her and I b-b-but I hoped not, I hoped that what we have shared, how I f-feel about you might be enough because I love you Arizona, I love you so fucking much. You...y-you are everything to me and if you're everything to me how can I be n-nothing to you?" she cries as she looks at me desperately.

I've never seen her like this before because she's never been like this. We've always been so happy, no drama's no problems. I feel out of my depth, I want to get up and leave, and hide away until it all passes.

 _Coward_ I think to myself, I've done this, I need to see it through.

"God Kim, you're not nothing! Please don't think that. This is on me, it has nothing to do with you.", I tell her desperately as I try to make contact somehow, a hand, a lock of hair, a piece of skin but she bats away any contact I try to make. I watch in horror as she curls up into a ball against the sofa and just sobs like I've never heard before.

I sit there uselessly watching as the woman who breathed life back into me, who has loved me for the past year breaks apart and I have no idea what to do. Each sob a stab in my already fragile heart, each shudder a knife in my soul. This woman who comforted me, loved me, and fought for me is now a wreck because of me.

I do the only thing I can do, the one thing she done for me when I was broken, I reach out and despite her protests I pull her body into mine and I hold her close. I kiss whatever part I can and I whisper over and over how sorry I am.

It's sometime before her sobs tamper off and the tears dry up. I've held her and told her how sorry I am for as long as it took but now she pulls back and looks me in the eyes, sadness pouring out of them. "Should I have done something different? Should I have fought for you more? I need to know Arizona because I'm so fucking lost right now. My whole life, everything I thought to be true, everything I wanted...you've just taken it all away." she tells me and guilt about guilt stacks upon the layers of hate I have for myself.

Shaking my head I sigh out loud, I take her hand and she resists at first but quickly gives in. "No there's nothing you could have done. I know you might not believe me right now and maybe you never will but I do love you Kim, you have no idea what you done for me. You saved me and I will forever be grateful for that."

"But you don't love me enough right?", and once those words leave her mouth it feels like she's reached in and took my heart right out because those words are eerily similar to what I asked Callie not long after we separated for the 'final' time. And I know what my answer will do, the same as Callie's did to me.

"It's not about not loving you enough..." I say trying to avoid a direct answer to a question that will undeniably cause her more pain.

"Isn't it? Because if you loved me enough Arizona you wouldn't be doing this. I've given you everything I am and it's still not enough...I'm not enough. Do you know what that feels like?" she questions me.

"I do know what it feels like which is why I hate myself for doing this to you. Maybe you don't believe me and I don't blame you but I do love you, and this is...it's killing me to hurt you like this, because you're not nothing to me. You are so special to me and I'll never regret meeting you. I'll never forget you and you will always hold a place in my heart...but I can't give myself fully to you Kim and you deserve more than that." honesty streams from my mouth because what else can I give her at this point.

"I-if she hadn't come back do you think you could have been happy with me?" she asks.

Do I? If Callie hadn't come back would I have been able to be happy with Kim? Knowing that Callie was always my true love. Would I have been able to be content and live a life with Kim when my heart was always with someone else?

"Yes. I could have been happy with you Kim, of course." I tell her because it's partially true. I know without Callie coming back I would have married Kim, we would have been happy, I would have lived a content life with a woman that made me happy and that loved me.

"But it wouldn't have been enough would it? It's always been her, even when you didn't want it to be, even in our most sacred moments it was always her wasn't it? I've been competing with her since the first day I met you." she say's. It's not really a question, it's a statement. One I can't refute because it's true.

"I'm so incredibly sorry." I say as I move forward, I tentively reach out and take her face between my hands. Forehead to forehead we sit silent, both grieving, both hurt, both knowing that once this is done we won't ever see each other again. "I know you hate me, I hate me but please please Kim if you can take anything from this, please take the fact that I did love you, I still do and I know it's not enough for you but it's all I can give you. You saved me, that's something I can never repay. You are a wonderful, amazing, gorgeous woman and I'm going to miss you so much. I don't want you to walk away thinking that I don't care and maybe that's selfish of me but it would kill me if you leave here thinking you weren't so very special to me." I whisper as tears stream down both our faces.

She's crying again and so am I and I don't bother to try and hide my pain. "I wish I could hate you Arizona, but I don't, I love you, I love you so much but I knew, deep down I always knew if you had the chance to go back to her you would. I can't hate you because I love you and I want you to be happy, even if it means that it's not with me. I know people say that and most the time they don't mean it but I do...I-god, I'm going to miss you so fucking much but d-don't feel guilty, don't feel bad...go and be in love, get your happy ending. You are the sun Arizona so don't let Callie eclipse you, you are enough, you do deserve to be loved. If I gave you anything I hope I gave you the knowledge that you deserve the world." she tells me emotionally but her voice is strong and sure and it's bittersweet because my heart is literally breaking as she breathes those sweet words out.

"No...no...don't...don't do that, don't be so fucking kind to me, I don't deserve it..." I sob and then she's got her hands on my face and we're both crying silent tears and pain is reflecting from one set of eyes to the other as we gaze at each other for the last time.

"When I met you, you were so broken, so full of self loathing. I couldn't understand how someone so beautiful, so amazing could hate themselves so much. Then one day I kissed you and you smiled and I saw what was inside you. I saw a damaged woman who was wanting to be loved, I saw someone who had the capacity to forgive, I saw someone who I knew I couldn't have because I saw your story Arizona before you told me yet I persisted. I wanted you knowing that one day I would probably lose you but that's Ok. Because I got to have you for a while and I'm so glad I met you...I mean I won't be sticking around to watch you marry her or anything but...I don't hate you. You're enough, you're more than enough so go...go and be happy, don't mourn for us...be happy with her, take your chance and live it Arizona because if you don't, if you wallow in self pity and grieve for this for too long you'll miss your chance and it will be an insult to what we had. You say I saved you...then go and be whole, and I'll...I'll remember you and I'll always love you but just from afar and maybe...maybe one day I'll meet someone who holds my heart like she does yours." she says, the whole time her eyes never leave mine.

I'm speechless, this woman...this amazing woman who picked me up and saved me from myself, I've just broken her heart yet she still wants me to be happy and I can tell she's being genuine. I love her, I think she'll always truly hold a place in my heart. The fact that she is giving me her blessing, well it doesn't heal the small tear in my heart that I just ripped but it goes a long way. I love Callie, and I want to be with her, I need to and I can't if guilt is holding me back. Kim has just given me again...something I never expected.

"W-where will you go?" I ask.

"I think I'm going to go back home for a while. I'll take a leave of absense and just go home, vist my parents. Take some time for me." she say's as she pulls back slightly. We still have each other's faces cradled in our hands, I just want to have this connection a little while longer.

"W-will you c-come back?"

"Maybe...I don't know Arizona."

"I'm so sorry Kim, I'm so so so fucking sorry!" I cry. I don't know what else to say, there's nothing else really that can be said but I feel the need to keep telling her how sorry I am because I truly really am.

Moving closer again we go back to forehead to forehead breathing each other in, "I'll send someone for my stuff in a few day's. I have enough in the mean time. I...I don't know if I'll be in contact...I don't expect you to either. I think I need to not hear from you." she say's quietly and I nod my head expressing my understanding.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...please know that..." I whisper as the tears that never really stopped start again.

She pulls back, her face determined and sad, loving yet pained. "Ssshhh I know...just...let me look at you one last time..." she whispers.

She looks at me holding me at arms length, her fingers carress my face, they move the hair that has fallen into my eyes behind my ears. She smiles sadly at me and I try to smile back but more tears fall instead.

"Kiss me Arizona please, kiss me and say goodbye."

My whole body reacts as a loud sob breaches my lips, my heart constricts but I do as she asks. I move forward taking her face in mine and I kiss her one last time. I kiss her hard then soft, fast then slow, I put everything into it, hoping she'll understand what I'm trying to say, hoping one day she'll forgive me, hoping she knows that she saved me.

Then it's over and she's up and walking away before I have time to catch my breath.

"Goodbye Arizona..." she say's as she turns and looks at me one last time.

"Goodbye Kim..." I reply and then she's gone.

The moment the door closes my breath hitches then it comes in sharp waves and I can't breath, I can't breath properly and my head is between my knees as I tell myself to breath but the self loathing and the heartache is so overwhelming. I scrape at my own neck trying to pull in some air. It hurts, the pain I caused her I feel it, the look in her eyes I might not forget it for a long time to come, I struggle to pull in air but finally I do, my breathing starts to even out and I collapse back against the sofa. I sit there for I don't know how long just staring into space, occasionally I cry but mostly I just sit here and grieve and think. It's been hours before I come out of my daze and my heart hurts...but I realize it could be worse because today hurt but I know tomorrow is going to be better, I know the day after that will be even better than tomorrow. Kim not only saved me a year ago but she's also now given me something more...she's set my heart free so Callie can have it again. I'll always remember what she has given me and I'll cherish my life and those in it for now on, I wont take anything or anyone for granted...I owe Kim everything and I'm going not going to waste the chance she has given me. I'm sure there will be days or moments in the next few months when I think of the pain I've caused, when I remember what I done to a woman who done nothing but love me but I can't look back. I made my choice and now I have to live it...and I can't wait because she's waiting for me, finally after everything Callie is waiting for me because she loves me and I don't want to keep her waiting any longer. I don't need any time because we've already been apart for too long, a minute, an hour, a day more I don't need it - All I need is her. It's time for me to finally start living my life again and that starts with going to her because she's my home and I've been away far too long.

 _"Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star."_

 _ **Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii**_

 _ **Hit that review button and let me know what ya'll...possibly one more chapter to come!**_


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